Work-In-Progress Wednesdays #39

Featured Ariel Paiement

So those of you who follow me on social media know that I’ve been talking about my newest WIP a bit more now that it’s in full swing. I’m really excited about it! So, if you didn’t hear about it on social media, I’ll explain here.

The piece I’m working on for ONC (Wattpad’s Open Novella Contest) is the most sci-fi style piece I’ve done. It’s also the most unique in terms of its magic system and world. I did a live video on Facebook about the book’s behind-the-scenes last week on Thursday, and you guys can watch it here if you didn’t see it live.

At any rate, since it’s the only longer piece I’m working on right now (and will be until I finish and edit it before the end of April–I think that’s the length of the contest?), that’s what I’ll be sharing from for today!

~~~

SEBASTIAN STEPPED OFF the lift with a weary groan. The faces around him all held placid smiles, perfect images of the poise and tolerance society loved so much these days. Not that he had anything against it, per se, but the lengths some people went to… Well, there just ought to be a limit. He glanced at his watch. Ten minutes to make it to his mother’s. Ten minutes for something to go abominably wrong, knowing his luck. But, if he just avoided any situations that might require the use of his button, all would be well. As long as the button didn’t have to get involved, life was generally not too bad. Good, even, on occasion.

He shoved through the crowd, ignoring the sidelong glances people gave him. Seriously, didn’t any of them have more productive things to do besides standing in the way and glaring at anyone who wasn’t equally keen on that? Union workers. He shook his head with a snort and rushed out the door onto the bustling city streets of Winchester. Nine minutes now. Good thing McGayen Inc was located on the city outskirts. If he ran, he could make it to the family estate, maybe even on time for once.

“Seb?”

He sighed and turned back toward the building’s entrance. Scratch that. He’d be late, and this time he couldn’t blame it on a mishap with the button. Well, Mother liked Viv, so it would be forgiven if he was late.

“Good thing I caught you. Where are you going? Weren’t you going to leave work with me to meet Dane at the station?”

He frowned. Was he?

“Did you forget already?”

“Uh… No, no. Not exactly.” He wracked his brain and came up blank. “Okay… I guess I did.” He rubbed the back of his neck, careful to avoid the cold metal lump under his ear where his button resided.

She snorted and put her hands on her hips, an oddly petulant stance for Vivian McGayen, an accomplished business woman whose own reputation was only exceeded by her father’s. “You’re always forgetting things. Drinks after work. You promised, remember? We were going to head over to Featherweight, that new bar in town. The one with the specialty drinks?”

Oh, right. How had he managed to forget? Would his mother mind two extra people for dinner? He couldn’t cancel on either of them, so he’d have to find a solution. Fortunately, Mother would probably be thrilled to make room for Dane and Viv. She always cooked too much anyway. Just in case, she said. “Well, I guess we can still do it. But my mother scheduled dinner for tonight, and I can’t bail on her. Not after what happened with Dad last month, you know?”

Viv nodded and pursed her lips. “We could move the night out to tomorrow if you wanted.”

“No, no. We’ve already done the planning. Not your fault I forgot. How about we head out after dinner at my mother’s? You two are welcome to join. It’d save me the chewing out for being late. Again.”

Viv laughed and played with an auburn curl. “Wouldn’t that be intruding, Seb? I don’t want to get in the way or stress your mother out. She’s got enough on her plate with your Dad running off like he did.”

“It wouldn’t be intruding. Having you there might actually cheer her up.”

“Then tell you what.” Viv smoothed her hands over her pencil skirt. “I’ll give Dane a call and tell him to meet us over there. Then we can just go together. It’ll be quicker than walking if I take you.”

He glanced at her button, easily visible just under her left ear. Easier, yes. But also so very humiliating. She had a working button that was useful, but he was stuck with the dud because some idiot bureaucrat screwed up his paperwork and someone else installed a reject instead of the real deal. Maybe he should be glad his worked at all, since it wasn’t supposed to, but considering the fact that using it only worked out maybe once in a hundred presses, he didn’t feel too bad about his irritation. And every time someone used theirs with no mishap, that irritation grew until he wanted to punch something or slink off into a hole to die of shame. At least no one pointed and laughed anymore. Openly, at least. “I can walk.”

She rolled her eyes. “Seb, grow up, would you? Accepting my offer to teleport both of us doesn’t make you a lesser man.”

“That’s not the problem.”

“Then what is? If your button has the better transportation method, we can use that.”

“That’s a low blow, Viv.” He turned his back on her. “You know it doesn’t. It doesn’t do anything right, and you know how I feel about others using their buttons out of pity for me. I’ll walk.”

She grabbed his arm and dragged him off to the side. People stared, but a short glare from him sent them scurrying, appalled and judgmental stares marring their lukewarm smiles. So much for tolerance of whatever anyone else did. Clearly, the motto “You do you” only applied when they were the ones being judged. Not a surprise. He’d seen it growing up, and it was no better now.

Viv squeezed his shoulders and brought his attention back to her. “The button—”

“Doesn’t define me?” He sighed and shrugged her off. “I know that. Never said it did. But it would be nice if I knew what I’d get when I pressed it. It would be nice if, for once, I had somewhere to fit in instead of being the freak show at every gathering.”

Viv grinned. “You know what you’ll get.”

Despite his restless, irritable mood, he smiled at that too. “Yeah, guess so. But knowing it’ll be random every time isn’t exactly the same as knowing what I’ll get.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and resumed his fast pace with a glance at his watch. Three minutes. Great. “Call your brother while you walk, then. Showing up with you only gains me five extra minutes to get there.”

“More like seven. Your mother adores me for some reason.” She pulled her phone out of her purse. “But you wouldn’t be late if—”

He raised a brow at her. “We discussed my feelings on charity.”

“More like you talked and I pretended to listen.”

He put a hand over his heart with an exaggerated wince. “That hurts my feelings.”

“Too bad.”

“How intolerant of you.” He wrinkled his nose. “I can’t believe you would be so inconsiderate of my feelings and my opinion.”

She threw her head back and laughed her rich, throaty laugh. Been a while since he’d heard it. It brought a warm feeling inside that partially chased off the bad feelings. This time, she didn’t even grace him with a response to his inanity. Both of them had a healthy respect for one another’s views on society’s belief in tolerance and social relevance. Neither of them really liked the way things were headed there, and that drew them together.

“Well, typical of you. You going to keep making fun of me? I’m still going to walk, so you can either join or go on ahead.”

“And tell your mother what?” She scoffed. “Your son invited me over, but he’s ten minutes away because he couldn’t get over his pride long enough to join me?”

“If you want.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and held back a laugh. “I don’t care what you tell her. You’ll come up with something, and I’ll see you in five minutes.”

“Suit yourself, then. I’ll try to spare you her wrath.” She gave him a saucy grin and wiggled her fingers in farewell before she disappeared, leaving him alone among the crowds on the sidewalk.

~~~

Hope you all enjoyed the opening scene of the book! This is in the raw since I haven’t done extensive editing on it yet, but I don’t expect the beginning to change too much unless I run into major issues with it later on.

The United by James Quinlan Meservy – A Large Cast

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Introduction

Hey, everyone! I’m here with a new book review for you all! Today’s is for The United by James Quinlan Meservy. He graciously provided me with a review copy when I mentioned I would be interested in having more reviews of different authors’ books on my blog. After he got in touch, we agreed that I would review his, and he was kind enough to provide a review copy so I didn’t have to purchase my own copy. I’m really excited to share this book with you guys, so let’s take a look! As always, the reader’s review is first followed by my review for writers. Don’t read that second review if you don’t want any spoilers provided for you.

rEADER’S rEVIEW

So, just being honest here… The beginning half was a bit hard for me. I don’t know for sure why because I did like the characters and the overall idea of the story–as I understood it–but I just struggled to wrap my head around what was going on. My main issue, I think, was the jumps that happened between the Realm of Light (Earth) and the Realm of Rai (which seems to represent Heaven or something of that nature). It was just difficult for me to make the jump between the characters in one place and the characters in another, and the fact that the Creatures of Rai could be in both realms was initially something that had me really confused.

However, once I got into it, I found that I did enjoy the book. The characters were written very well, and the way Meservy approached things was realistic and sensitive (when the issues being discussed called for it). The story itself was also a riveting plot line. I was intrigued by the legends and lore that was woven throughout the novel, and I think that was done pretty well. The incorporation didn’t feel heavy-handed or odd to me at all.

Sometimes, the fight scenes were a tiny bit difficult to follow though. Mainly because mind-control is a factor in a few (or I suppose mind-control in the form of causing someone to hallucinate and do things they wouldn’t ever do, like killing friends and family). Sorry for the slight spoiler there, guys! But basically, when characters end up under that mind-control, they no longer keep their own names or think of themselves with that name. They get this superhero pseudonym thing, so it’s a little hard sometimes to figure out who’s who in the hallucinations while they’re under the influence of the mind-controller. I didn’t like that too much because it just left me so mixed up and mentally fogged until the scene went back to normal. Still, it’s a relatively minor thing in the scheme of the entire story, especially considering the fact that the plot line was neat and the different mechanisms used in combat and in preparation for it were quite unique.

In the end, I would recommend it. It’s got a lot of clear references to Christianity and, I feel, presents things from a strongly Christian point-of-view without glossing over the fact that people make mistakes and lead lives that can have choices and events they end up regretting after coming to Christ (or even things they regret doing as a Christian). Because the book doesn’t shy away from openness about the fact that even Christian couples make mistakes and sin in the area of premarital sex, I wouldn’t say the book is one ultra-conservative Christians would label clean. Personally, I think that removing it would leave the book unrealistic and lacking, given the story James weaves. But, if you don’t want even the mention of sex included in your novels or in what your child reads, don’t pick this up. There aren’t any actual sex scenes or anything, but the characters are clear that they’ve had premarital sex and regretted it. So, yeah… If you’re not okay with that being brought up, The United might not be for you. Otherwise, it’s a good read.

Writer’s Review

Okay, now for the fun stuff! Picking apart The United to go over what was done well and what wasn’t. First, as the title hints, we’re going to talk about the large cast of characters that Meservy had, why it worked, and what he did well with it. The second thing we’re going to talk about is handling books where you have things going on in two different realms or worlds parallel to one another. This can get confusing for readers, and it did in Meservy’s book, so we’ll go over why it was so confusing and what you can do in order to alleviate some confusion for readers.

First, let’s go with the good things Meservy did with his large cast! To begin with, lots and lots of people died in The United. Straight up, lots of people end up getting killed when facing off with Lord Yrimwaque, and without his large posse of characters to continue on the story after two or three died, Meservy wouldn’t have had much of a story left. The villain would have won, and that would have been that.

However, because he had a group of friends plus several Creatures of Rai to play major roles in the story, you never ran out of characters. Granted, this could become overwhelming for the reader easily, but in Meservy’s case, it didn’t because so many of them died. In the first battle, they lost one out of the three who were involved (and the rest barely escaped). In the second battle, they lost another two, if I counted right. By the third battle, they lost two more, leaving Blaze, one of the main characters, as the only one really left who played a major role in trying to kill the villain. The Creatures of Rai all survived since all of them were dead to begin with and just passed from the Realm of Rai (Heaven) to the Realm of Light (Earth) either through evil means or by order of their Master (God/Christ).

Interestingly enough, Meservy never actually got rid of the characters he killed off. Instead, they become permanent residents of the Realm of Rai as Creatures of Rai, and they helped to offer guidance and protection to their friends who were still fighting back on the Realm of Light. This was achieved through dreams, which those of the Realm of Light wouldn’t fully remember but still found would guide them later on as premonitions of sorts, or through direct interactions between the Creatures of Rai and the inhabitants of the Realm of Light. In a way, it seems as if those who died became like guardian angels.

This, obviously, is a bit of a departure from Biblical narratives on what happens to mortals when they die, but given the fact that there’s a lot in the story that’s meant to be allegorical or is just creative license, I wouldn’t fault Meservy on it. It was an integral part to the story and not something I found to be particularly objectionable. You may not want to keep your cast of characters the same size using this method, but note that it is an option if you want to keep people around even though they’ve died. Ghosts are a common theme in a lot of paranormal fantasy, so it’s a viable option for you, though obviously your spin on it won’t be the same as Meservy’s has been.

Now, about what I felt wasn’t done well. I mentioned in my reader’s review that I found the start to be difficult to follow. It was confusing and jarring to jump from one world to the other with everything going on at the same time or at different times but with no clear markers on which was which.

This is something I’m fairly sure Meservy addresses later on in his writing since his short story for the anthology I’m organizing is in this same world and has clear headers to let us know as readers which realm we’re on and who it is that’s the viewpoint character. I found this to be a much more effective method of switching between realms because without those markers, it becomes very jumbled. This is, of course, one way of handling a similar situation in your own novels to avoid confusing readers or jarring them out of the story.

Beyond that, Meservy had a third realm, of sorts, and that was the realm of the mind. In this realm, the character only enters it when under the control of Lord Yrimwaque and the Threat, at least in The United. Once they’re in this realm, the characters cease to view themselves as themselves. They take on names like the Avenger, Traveler, Friend, and more. While in this state, they’re approached by someone from the Threat who masquerades as someone they want to follow, and, under mind control in the hallucination/mental realm, they do follow instructions. This leads to actions in the real world that frequently end with friends killing each other or one friend attacking and killing other friends. They can be snapped out of this realm when sprayed with water (for whatever reason this is the only method that works), but it’s usually too late to save anyone.

This mental realm was also confusing because the lack of names made it hard to follow who was who. So, while, eventually, I was able to figure out what was going on, I was never certain which character was the one being controlled until the mind control was removed and we were left with a fresh body count. This was pretty frustrating. If you have something similar, I recommend that you show them initially fighting it or slowly succumbing to it as their mind fades into the scene and they begin to think of themselves as this other character. That way, even if we don’t know for sure who they attack or what they do to those around them, we do know for certain which character we’re following. This just helps to ground the reader as they read through what might otherwise end up seeming confusing or disjointed/divorced from the reality built up in the rest of the book.

Conclusion

Despite the confusion at points in the book, I did find the storyline to be one I could follow and enjoy. I would recommend the book even if it wasn’t always the easiest to understand at times. The confusion wasn’t bad enough to make the book a no-go for me. It was more a minor frustration and distraction when it showed up and not even a problem the rest of the time. I loved the characters, and it made me sad any time someone died because even though I knew they weren’t gone forever, I saw the impact on those left behind, and it hurt for that reason. That means Meservy did quite a few things right, so I’d definitely say this book is one I can recommend without too much reserve.

You can buy the book through Amazon, and you can get in touch with James Quinlan Meservy through his website or his newsletter signup. I will be doing an author’s interview with Meservy to go along with this post, so once he has finished the questions, I’ll put that up!

Be on the look out for that and for my review of TN Traynor’s historical romance set in Scotland, which will be posted on March 7th. I know it isn’t the genre I usually review on the blog, but she and I are doing spotlights as part of my blog tour for On Twilight’s Wings, and because I know her work, I said I’d spotlight the book even though I normally wouldn’t do that for non-fantasy on the blog. I’ve already started reading the copy she sent me, and I’m really enjoying it so far! It’s better polished than Idi & the Oracle’s Quest was too, so I’ve been having an easier time reading it. There won’t be a writer’s review because it isn’t what I normally talk about on the blog, but I’ll have a review from my perspective as a reader along with a blurb, book links, and the cover. So for all of you who read romance too, you can look forward to that special feature come March 7th!

Flash Fiction Fridays: Someone Else’s Scars

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This week’s flash fiction is based on a prompt I saw on Pinterest. The prompt is pretty simple: her skin is carved with scars that someone else earned. It seemed interesting, so here we go.

~~~

Anorah gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut. The knife dug deeper into her arm, avoiding any arteries but inflicting more than enough pain. That would scar. Tears slipped down her cheeks, but she didn’t open her eyes. It would only be one more scar out of dozens.

Dozens of scars that she hadn’t earned but bore for love. These days, she wasn’t even sure why she suffered this anymore. Was he really worth her long-suffering and her silence in the face of pain he himself allowed to be inflicted?

“Give up on him. He isn’t worth this, Anorah.” Her tormentor’s breath was hot on her cheek. “He’s letting us do this. He’s too apathetic to do anything. You’re just taking the punches for him. For a man who doesn’t even care.”

She swallowed hard and opened her teary eyes. “I’m not going to give up on him. You want me to give him up? To let him fall into your hands? To let you drag his soul into the darkness?”

“You know what we want. We’ve told you. Why do you keep fighting? He’s going to end up under our sway eventually whether you die or live.”

She shook her head, a cry sticking in her throat. “I won’t give up on him. You can do whatever you want to me. You can even tear me to pieces or rip my heart out of my chest. But you can’t make me step out of the way or tell you how to get to him.”

“So you’ll die to protect him?” The man’s dark features twisted into a snarl. “What calls on you to do such a thing, hmm? He. Is. Not. Worth. It.”

“He is.”

He dug the knife deeper. “He’s not.”

She choked on her sob and shook her head. “You’ll never understand because you only know how to take. You don’t know how to love.”

“Love? Don’t think that nonsense means anything. He doesn’t love you, so why suffer for him?”

She smiled past the pain, the ache in her heart worse than even the pain in her arm. This man just didn’t understand. “He has hurt me more than you ever could. He destroyed my heart. You’re just destroying my body. But I forgave him anyway. I forgave him because I love him. I don’t love him because he’s good or perfect. I love him because I chose to, and I won’t change that choice. Ever.”

He growled and drove the knife through the fleshy part of her arm. “What could possible inspire you to love him? He’s a monster!”

Her voice strangled as the pain overwhelmed her, but she got the words out anyway. “I love him despite what he’s done because I have been loved unconditionally despite what I’ve done.”

Her tormentor twisted the knife, and white hot pain seared through her. Her mind blanked, and blackness fringed her vision. In the distance, she could hear herself screaming, but the pain no longer touched her. Then the blackness swallowed her.

~~~

That’s it for this week’s Flash Fiction Friday. Hope you all enjoyed. Have a great weekend, everyone!

Thursday Technicalities: Weaving World-Building Into Your Story – Through Your Character’s Eyes

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Introduction

This week, we’re going to talk about weaving world-building into the story through your character’s eyes. There are multiple ways to go about weaving your world into the story, but one of the best ways is through your character. So let’s talk about how.

dISCOVERIES

The first way you can go about weaving your world into the story is to allow your readers to discovery it alongside your characters. When you have characters who haven’t experienced the world before, it’s a lot more acceptable to show more of the world in a way that’s overt instead of hidden in the lines between the action. Characters’ confusion over things in their world suddenly make sense because they don’t know anything about what’s around them to begin with.

Interactions

What if you don’t have a character who’s new to the world just like the reader is? You can still world-build and weave that building into the story. One great method for this is to develop the reader’s understanding of the world via interactions between your world and your character.

This method strongly goes back to the idea that your world is its own character with its own personality. No one person or world will interact the same way with each other. This method requires you to know a few things. You need to know your character, know your world, and know how your character views the world. These three determine how your character and your world will interact together.

Interactions can happen a lot of ways. It can happen through the character’s meeting with various creatures in the world. Or, maybe your character is a healer and spends much of their time gathering plants and supplies from nature. They might be an adventurer who has to brave the elements and the difficulties of terrain to reach their goal. Really, the possibilities are endless and allow you plenty of room to show the world to your reader. But the key with this method is that you should treat it the same way you treat an interaction between two characters. You won’t info dump on the reader because an interaction between two characters only reveals bits and pieces of both individuals, not everything. Instead, you’ll reveal only what is relevant to the interaction/scene and the story as a whole. Reveal what needs to be revealed then and no more.

The one difference between this method and an interaction between characters is that you may reveal things about the world that aren’t necessarily serving a specific purpose to the plot. At times, you may choose to reveal things about the world in interactions simply to make the world itself feel richer and more alive or even to reveal something about the person interacting with the world.

Happenings

The final main method for weaving world-building in has more to do with sentence-level inclusions and events. These may not be interactions with your main characters specifically, but they typically affect the character in some way or another. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be seeing it as the readers since you can’t show us what your viewpoint characters don’t see unless you’re using omniscient POV.

With this method, your world-building will be less obvious. It might be a common phrase that’s used by the inhabitants of the world or a common creature that is seen all over the place. It might be some sort of distant report of a creature terrorizing villages on the outskirts of a kingdom. Maybe it’s a brief mention of terrain in an area a character is occupying. One way or another, this world-building method usually doesn’t involve intrusive or overt mentions of the world. This is more subtle and is like the spice added to a dish. It makes everything read better, but your reader won’t notice the individual additions: only the whole of the writing’s flavor.

Conclusion

This type of world-building is more complex than what we often think of as world-building, but it’s also vastly more effective than what we usually see in most writing these days. It takes practice and instinct to do this well, but the instincts surrounding what type of weaving to use and how can be developed the more you write using the methods I’ve given here and in the previous post on this topic.

Work-In-Progress Wednesdays #38

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This week’s WIP Wednesday is the last one that will feature Pathway of the Moon since I’m on the last chapter and finishing it up. Enjoy!

~~~

WHEN LEO WALKED through the door of the cottage, Amadeira flung herself at him. He caught her and staggered back before he caught his balance and held her to him. They stood there in silence, and she looked over his shoulder to see Nadar lingering on the doorstep. She caught his gaze and looked at him, praying he’d have the answers she and Leo needed.

He dropped his gaze to the ground, regret twisting his features. Her heart sank. No answers then. She squeezed Leo closer and buried her face in his shoulder, the hot tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. Well, it had been too much to hope that the old world god would know when this kind of thing wasn’t documented anywhere. None of the books documented anything like it, and Bane’s diary said nothing on the matter. She’d checked it three times while waiting for Leo to return, but nothing had turned up.

Leo rubbed her back and pulled away with a sigh. “He didn’t have the answers, Deira.”

She bit her lip and lowered her head.

He cupped her face in both hands. “Hey, look at me.”

Her heart lurched at the raw emotion and affection in his words and his touch. She did as told and found hope warring with sadness on his face. Heart aching, she reached out to run her fingertips over the crease in his brow. “Tell me it’ll be okay?”

He leaned closer and rested his forehead against hers. “It’ll be okay, sweetheart. We’ll figure it all out, but we can’t find any of the answers here. We need to go.”

She sighed. “Are we going on the king’s orders or on our own?”

“On the king’s orders. His men are waiting for us at the Path. They gave us time to say goodbye to this place and grab whatever we needed to take with us.” His fingers tangled in her hair, holding her to him. “Did you pack?”

“Yes.”

“Good girl.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead and pulled away.

She blushed and stepped to the side. “Nadar, why don’t you come in and make yourself at home? Leo and I will grab the bags and be right back out.”

He glanced toward the small bedroom and kitchen barely visible from the doorway. Shrugging, he stepped inside and strolled to one of the couches, sprawling out there. His expression neutral, he scanned over the place dispassionately. She gave him a weak smile and hurried after Leo, who was already rummaging through things in the bedroom.

~~~

That’s it for this week! What are you guys up to? If any of you write on Wattpad, are you doing the Open Novella Contest this year? I’m doing it, and I’m really excited about it. I’ve already met the first 2,000 word-count milestone for it. If you guys are doing it too, I’d love to hear what you’re writing about! Feel free to share in the comments.

Flash Fiction Fridays: Face-to-Face

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This week’s flash fiction doesn’t go with anything in particular. It’s just a short piece based on the idea of portals and what someone might do if they found one or what they might find on the other side.

~~~

Molly stared at the portal in the small cave. It hadn’t been here yesterday when she’d found the cave in the woods of her new property. Granted, she hadn’t been looking too closely, but she wouldn’t miss a glowing light emitting from the cave, would she?

She glanced around. Should she tell someone? Maybe. But if she did, then she’d have people swarming the property to get a look and reporters hounding her for a story. She bit her lip. Best to keep it to herself. But since she was keeping it to herself, she’d better have a closer look at it, make sure nothing dangerous would come out of it. Like dragons or something. Dragons didn’t exist, of course, but then again, neither did portals, so maybe they did. Regardless, she couldn’t afford trouble coming onto or off of her property. Not after she’d just moved here to get away from the trouble back home.

Heaving a sigh, she climbed down into the cave and trudged to the portal. It didn’t look dangerous. Still, she could be mistaken about it. It might not be a portal. Maybe it was some sort of laser that chopped things to bits. She picked up a stone and chucked it through then walked around to the other side of the glowing portal thing. No stone. Well, whatever this was, it either vaporized things or it was a portal. She could check the vaporizing theory at least. Climbing back out of the cave, she found a stick with good length to it and managed to get it back down into the cave. She shoved that into the portal thing and pulled it back out. Nothing looked any different about the stick. Huh. Maybe it really was a portal.

One way to find out. She sucked in a deep breath and stepped into the glowing ring. For just one frantic heartbeat, everything went dark. Then the light was back, and she stepped out into a barren wasteland. Nothing, not even scrub bushes, dotted the ravaged landscape. Just cracked earth and oppressive heat. She turned to look at the portal behind her only to find a person standing in its place.

A person who looked exactly as she imagined she would if she were twenty years older.

~~~

Well, that’s it for me this week! I hope all of you have an awesome weekend, and good luck to all of you in your writing endeavors. If you’re stuck and looking for inspiration, considering checking out the writing prompts I post on Pinterest. Otherwise, have a great rest of your week!

Work-In-Progress Wednesdays #37

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This week, I finished up chapter fifty-nine of Pathway of the Moon. One more to go, and then it’s done and off to my list of works to edit (which currently consists of only that one piece and part of another, so it’s a short list of books for my own work, at least). I’m extremely excited about this (as I know I’ve said before), and this week’s work-in-progress comes from the most recent chapter.

~~~

Alrian glanced up at the Numahi. “Is this what we need to activate?”

She nodded. “It should be touch-activated. The one on our world was accessible to anyone in Sedra’s circle, but we couldn’t open it. She made sure of that.”

Brennan frowned. “You’re sure this is it? Is it even functional?”

“It is the record system. I’m sure of that, at least. But I don’t know if it will be functional or not. If it isn’t, the written records abandoned here should be enough. It’s written in an older dialect than what you use now, however.”

“Neither of us can read the dialect that far back.” Alrian leaned over and pressed her palm against the dark surface of the orb. “So, let’s hope this thing turns on and translates for us too.”

Just after she touched it, the orb began emitting a pale glow, which grew brighter until it became a piercing beam that scanned over her. What was it doing? Hopefully it wouldn’t kill her. She squeezed her eyes shut and stood still. If it was going to hurt her, it was too late to get out of the way. If she froze, maybe it wouldn’t hurt her? A tiny trill emitted from the glass orb, and she peeked at it. The beam dimmed back to a tolerable glow, and she opened her eyes fully.

“Records activated,” a robotic female voice chirped. “Please request an option from the navigation menu.”

She glanced at Brennan then back to the orb. “What are the options?”

Something whirred, and then the voice came back. “Review log files. View recordings. Enter a new log file. Record a new video file.” The voice spouted off a few more things she didn’t understand then said, “Please request an option from the navigation menu.”

Brennan’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “Umm… View recordings?” He glanced over at her. “What is a recording, anyway?”

The Numahi laughed. “A recording is simply a record that contains audio and sometimes visual that was taken down in the moment it happened. You can communicate using those devices that are programmed to one another, yes?”

She nodded.

“Well, this device is more sophisticated. It can capture that communication and save it.”

Alrian shifted from foot to foot. A device that could capture their words and faces? Didn’t really sound like it led anywhere good, but maybe it could be useful. After all, without that, they wouldn’t be able to activate this old thing and find out what was really going on. She sighed and crossed her arms as the device whirred once more and projected an image onto the table. She squinted down at it with a frown.

Brennan looked equally confused. He poked his finger through the glowing stretch, but the image only moved over his finger too. “What is this?”

The Numahi snickered. “I forget that your communications are primitive here. It’s what we call a holo.”

“How does it work? Magic?”

“No, not magic. Technology. But never mind how it works. You need to tell the device which video to play. If it’s like the ones back home, you can choose based on the dates on the bottom left corner of each still image. If you don’t see something interesting, you can tell the orb to scroll to the next set.”

Brennan looked over at her. “You ready?”

She sucked in a deep breath and nodded. “Let’s just start at the beginning.”

Brennan turned back to the video display. “Show us all the videos starting with Entry One, Year 0.”

The screen changed, and sound poured out into the room. What she heard in that first video made her stomach clench, and sweat beaded her forehead. The creature hadn’t been lying. Maybe it had lied about other things. Who knew? But it hadn’t been lying about this, and even minutes into the first video, she was ready to shut this whole thing down and run. Still, she couldn’t move, couldn’t flee. This had to be heard. The threat was still out there, and who knew what might happen if it found out they still existed? They could all end up in dire danger if the organization backing the odd experiment Sedra was describing on the recording had the power to help her create life itself. This organization played the part of a god, and they had no problem with doing even the profane. If they found Alcardia, everything would be lost.

~~~

That’s it for this week, everyone! Next week, I may have something from the final chapter to share. Then that’s it. No more excerpts from Pathway of the Moon for Work-In-Progress Wednesdays because it’ll be done. I’ll be moving on to new things.

Speaking of new things, I’m participating in Wattpad’s Open Novella Contest this year! I did this last year too, and Bane of Ashkarith was the result. (So everyone who has really like the book, you have that contest to thank. 🙂 They’ve got some pretty good prompts.) This year, my piece is shaping up to have more of a sci-fi feel, but I’m basing it around the prompt “If all else fails, throw a little magic at it.” I’m liking it so far, so you may be seeing some of that on this section of the blog through until April when the novella has to be finished.

Work-In-Progress Wednesdays #36

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This week’s work-in-progress comes from Pathway of the Moon, mainly because that’s what I’ve been working on most lately. I’m getting so close to done, and I’m definitely feeling end-of-book jitters. More than usual, in fact, but I guess that’s to be expected since the book is way longer than anything I’ve ever done before. But, hey, I’m still excited to write the sequel, so that’s probably a good sign, I think.

~~~

THE CEREMONY WAS finally here, and it didn’t quite seem real. She stood at the front of the small chapel with her hands in Leo’s, and for the first time, it slowly started to sink in. She would be his Bond when this finished. Really, truly, his. A small tremor zipped down her spine. Before today, she’d dreamed of this moment and spent hours fantasizing about it. It wasn’t everything she’d dreamed of. But it was everything she really needed.

Anyone who mattered even a little sat in the rustic pews and watched the two of them as they placed their interlocked hands over the bowl of clear, fresh water on the altar. In the old days, this would have been done in a large pool of water for larger chapels or at a stream for chapels without the ability to furnish the pool. Now, they kept the symbol without the actual ancient tradition. She stared into the clear water. A symbol not only of the purity of their intentions today but also a sign of the clarity and transparency that was to characterize their lives as Bonds.

The presiding minister stepped forward and wrapped a leafy length of vine around their hands to show the way their lives would be bound to each other’s, and she smiled. The words of the ceremony barely registered. Didn’t matter anyway. She knew that she could pledge herself to the man standing across from her with no doubts or reservations.

He squeezed her hands with a smile of his own, and she knew he wasn’t paying close attention to the droning of the minister either. She blushed and lowered her head. Her mind drifted toward the other ways they’d become Bonded after the ceremony. They’d been holding back on it for long enough, and finally, the waiting would end. No more interruptions or people keeping them apart. If anyone tried to get in the way of her Bonding night, she couldn’t be held responsible for what she’d do. Her entire body was ready to combust with a single touch from him, and the gentle pressure he was putting on her hands felt like a silent promise.

And then the minister was asking her for her vows, and she resurfaced just in time to recite them. If she was being honest, she doubted she’d remember much about this part of the ceremony. It already felt like a blur, and she hadn’t even finished going through it yet. Years from now, her Bond’s expression and the love shining in his eyes would probably be all she remembered. That thought didn’t bother her nearly as much as she’d expected it to, though. Really, Leo and her new family was all that mattered. The ceremony was a formality to allow the Bonding magic to unite their ashtras. Nothing more.

The priest kept droning on for a few more minutes, and Leo rolled his eyes. She glanced out across the crowd and caught a smirk on Brennan’s face. At least one person had caught onto their impatience. A bubble of laughter welled up inside her, but she squashed it. Laughing now would be highly inappropriate. Leo looked like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to rush the priest or laugh about how stuffy the man sounded. Well, they were in this together then. Just like they would be in everything else from now on.

Finally, the priest said the only words Leo had been waiting for this entire ceremony. The moment he had permission from the priest, he dipped her back and covered her mouth with his. No chaste, polite peck for him. He had to devour her lips like a man dying of thirst. She clutched his broad shoulders for balance, knowing this was only a small taste of what she’d get later. Her cheeks heated, but she liked that he wasn’t shy about declaring his affections even if Nadar did cough when the kiss went on a little too long. He finally let her come up for air, but his dark gaze whispered promises for the minute he got her back to his room. She shivered and didn’t let go of his shoulders as his gaze swallowed her whole.

~~~

Well, that’s all for this week, everyone! What are you guys working on? Anything you’re finding fun and exciting? For those of you who don’t write, what are you reading? Feel free to share in the comments!

Flash Fiction Fridays – Guardian

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This week’s Flash Fiction Friday is another one based on a prompt I found on Pinterest. This one is built on the premise that everyone but you has a guardian angel. Instead, you have a guardian demon who deals with things in more violent but much more efficient fashion. It sounded interesting, so let’s see where this goes.

~~~

“Did you really have to do that?” I pointed to the corpse with his burned-out eyes and open mouth, which had, just seconds ago, been releasing a lot of noise. A lot of hot air too. Seriously, he should have known no one could reason with a demon. I’d figured it out ages ago. Hadn’t taken me more than a few hours after he showed up.

“He was a danger to you.”

“Azariel, he just wanted my wallet.”

“I know humans and their dark intentions, little girl. I’ve been around a few times. Seen things you couldn’t even imagine.” Azariel examined his sharp, curving claws with a sniff. “He would’ve done much worse than steal your wallet.”

“Thanks for that image.” I gagged and turned away from the corpse. “But you can’t murder everyone who comes after me!”

“Why not? I’m not an angel, pet. I’m a demon, and demons create havoc, destroy things, and lead humans astray.”

I groaned and shook my head. “Remind me again why you’re here? I never asked for a guardian—angel or demon—but I certainly would’ve chosen anything but you.”

“Such bratty behavior for someone who would’ve died if I hadn’t stepped in.” Azariel smiled at me and flicked my wayward bangs out of my eyes. “Really, Ash, would it kill you to be grateful? I know I’m supposed to encourage greed and all other banal, wicked attitudes in humans, but I have feelings too. I’d appreciate a little bit of thankfulness for saving your life.”

“Azariel,” I drawled. “You have been leaving a trail of corpses behind you since we met a month ago. I’m going to end up in jail as a serial killer, and my life will basically be over anyway. Can you pleasejust let me handle things and, I don’t know, buzz off?”

“That would be boring.”

“You’re thousands of years old. You don’t need me to amuse you. Find some other human to toy with. I don’t need the devil’s protection.”

Azariel pursed his lips. “Well, it’s all you’ve got right now.”

“And I’m telling you, I don’t want it. I know the cost associated with it way too well.” I grimaced, hating that I couldn’t get him off my back. Really, I’d seen what contracting with demons resulted in, and I didn’t want any part. Maybe I might not have a guardian angel, but I could live with that. God could decide when I went, guardian angel, demon, or whatever. Not like anything was going to stop Him, and I didn’t want anything to do with this demon since it seriously increased my chances of ending up dead.

Azariel had been silent for too long. He looked like he was in pain, but then the expression flashed away, replaced with the usual smugness he projected. “What if I said I’d stop being your guardian demon?”

“On what conditions? My immortal soul?” I crossed my arms. “Come on, Azariel, what do you take me for? A fool?”

“Well… You did almost let that man—”

I raised a hand. “Enough. I get the idea. What will I have to give you in return for getting rid of you? Hmm? My firstborn child?”

Azariel shivered in disgust. “Good gods, no. What would I do with a baby? Eat it?”

I gagged. “Seriously? That’s the first thing you come up with?”

He shrugged with an innocent smile. “I’m a demon? Generally, my first idea is the most violent one.”

Unbelievable. “What. Do. You. Want?”

“Well, I’m not going to leave. But I’ll stop being your guardian demon.”

I face-palmed. “That doesn’t get rid of you.”

“Nope. But it does exonerate you of the price you’d have to pay for my guardianship.”

I stalked off down the alley. “Stupid demons. I’m going to snap his neck like a twig one of these days, I swear.”

“I heard that.”

Well, good. He was supposed to.

~~~

Well, that’s it for this week’s Flash Fiction Friday. Hope you enjoyed it. As always, if you have something you’d like to see here, feel free to reach out in the comments or by email!

Saturday Setups – Factors to Consider

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Introduction

Last time, we talked about languages and developing them, but this week, we’re going to briefly go over some factors to consider. Building languages is complex, so it’s important to break it down and go part by part. How far you go with it obviously depends, as we said last time, on what you want and need out of this exercise. Some people may just decide they need a few common sounds and aren’t concerned about an entire working vocabulary. Others will choose to go all out. Regardless, there are some factors you should consider when building the language.

Readability

First off, you should consider readability. Your reader is going to be seeing names and, in many cases, at least some words from the language you’re building. If you create a name like Aldafhjfd or some other such strange combination, people will have trouble processing it. Granted, even in real life, we’ve got names or words that we don’t know exactly how to pronounce, especially if we’re looking at a language like Gaelic or Welsh and don’t know the pronunciation rules. We’re likely to get it wrong. But we can still process it. We can still assign some method of pronunciation to the word, even if it might be wrong.

As writers, we expect that when we create our names or use unusual names from other cultures in real life, we’re going to have some subset of readers who may get close but a much larger subset that won’t get even close. So, our goal isn’t to worry about whether or not they can pronounce it properly.

Chances are that most of you wouldn’t know how to pronounce the name Leorithdhil, but you could probably come up with something that made sense to you, and you’d be content with it for the duration of the novel if need be. It doesn’t matter to me that you can’t pronounce it right. It does matter to me that you don’t trip up on the name or the word every time you see it. If you’re stopping to try to wrap your head around the sound of a word or name whenever you come across it, I’ve failed because those couple of seconds (or minutes, if you’re like me and try out every possible pronunciation method trying to figure it out) are seconds you can choose to stop reading because you’re no longer involved in the story.

That’s bad!

I don’t want you all to stop reading, and you don’t want your readers to do so either. So, before you do anything else, readability and ease of access for the readers should be at the top of your list of concerns.

SImplifying to Keep Your Sanity

Guys, let’s just be honest here. Building a language is hard. If you’re trying to build it from grammar rules up, it may make you want to tear your hair out, no matter how happy you are with the end result. I should know because I’ve done this. I still have stuff I’m tweaking with the language I’ve been building, but much of the grammatical side is already in place because I love grammar, syntax rules, and language in general. (If you couldn’t tell…) In spite of my love for those things, there were times when I sat and stared at the page in despair because I couldn’t figure out how to handle a problem that had arisen with the rules I’d created or with the way something fit together.

No matter what, you’ll have those moments if you do any extensive language building, just as you will with extensive world-building in general. However, you don’t have to dissolve yourself into a mushy mess that can’t think or function. Simplification is allowed. You’re not trying to create a language people in real life would be able to use for every situation. Even Tolkien didn’t do that, though he did give his fans a highly-developed, impressively functional language with more vocabulary than most language constructions have. Despite that, he still didn’t give them the amount of vocabulary necessary for every day conversation.

So, don’t feel you have to either. Create what you need first, then worry about adding to it as you feel like it, not worrying about or stressing out over it. Once you’ve developed what you need, the rest is icing on the cake. It isn’t necessary and shouldn’t be something that makes you want to bang your head into a brick wall repeatedly.

Simplification comes in quite a few forms. You could choose to remove letters from the alphabet, as we discussed last time, you could borrow grammar rules from other languages in real life, you could borrow sounds from languages around you, or you could even decide to limit yourself to creating words only as you need them. Whatever form of simplification you choose, do implement some simplification method(s). It will keep you sane!

How Much is too much

The last area of consideration I’ll cover is more of a question than anything. How much is too much? You need to figure this out before you start building, particularly if you’re going to use the simplification method of building only what you need. Knowing how much is going to be too much for your novel is really important. It keeps you from overloading your story and your reader with the overabundance of building you’ve done in this area.

Every story is going to be different in its requirements and what you can and cannot get away with. Every audience will have different expectations of you as an author and of the area of language building in particular. Know what those requirements, restrictions, and expectations are. If you don’t know them, you’re highly likely to disappoint your readers with too much or, in some cases, too little.

Once you know what your story and its audience require, limit yourself. Don’t go to the extreme of too much. Include what you know will be tolerable and enjoyable for your readers.

If you want to build beyond that, then collect it somewhere for your reference and for the reference of enthusiastic fans if you have them. There may be some fans who really want to learn more about this world you’ve built and the languages in it, but don’t write the book for those fans because they won’t be the majority. If you pander to them, you’re going to drive away your main audience: readers who just want a good story in your genre. Instead, make the further resources on the world and its culture, languages, and more available to those super-fans who really want to dig into it, but make it available outside the story. A glossary and further resources for readers section on your website is one good way to do this.

Conclusion

In the end, when language building, you have a lot of technicalities to consider. But those technicalities need to be framed properly with an understanding of your audience and their needs. Go with what your audience needs to access and enjoy your story. Leave the rest in notebooks for your own personal enjoyment or reference.