author stories – The Fantasy Nook

Author’s Spotlight with Steven E. Scribner

Hello all! It’s been a while since I posted something here, but today I have a guest to interview. Steven E. Scribner is the author of the Tond series, and he’s here to answer some questions about his book, Grendul Rising, which is the first of the Madstones Tetralogy, the second series in the world of Tond. Let’s dive right in!

Steven, thanks for being willing to answer these questions for this author spotlight! I’m glad to have you here today. First up, can you tell us what the inspiration for this story was?

Several threads came together.

One: there were a couple of loose ends in my original “Tond” books, which I thought I could put together to write another story.

Two: Current events (and the division in manners of thinking) have gotten so extreme and bizarre that they almost sound like a fantasy story themselves. I wanted to treat them in an allegorical manner and, at the same time, have the characters go on a third path that can restore sanity. (In this book, though, only the madness is presented, and only part of it; the resolves will come later in the tetralogy.) I don’t have the characters “discover” this third path because it’s always been there for them.

Three: Old stories (by me). There were some characters and sub-plots that I had put in the very first versions of my “Tond” books (written when I was in high school, more than forty years ago); I had eventually dropped these ideas as the stories evolved but I thought it would be possible to bring them back into another story. So, the newest “Tond” book contains some of the oldest “Tond” material.

Four: Old stories (not by me). This new series will feature retellings of one Medieval and one Renaissance story, along with a lot of “folklore” that I invented (but based on actual folktales from various places in the world).

That’s awesome! It’s always nice when you can put a message into the book naturally without losing any of the meaning in the message or the story, and retellings of folklore and stories through your own lore is very inventive! Now, let’s look at our next question. If you had to boil the story down to its fundamentals, what is the theme you’re trying to get across to the reader?

Discussions on the nature of evil, and how we know about it. In the original “Tond” series, the villain is pure evil; a vast monolithic force of corruption and destruction in the manner of Tolkien’s Sauron. This time, though, I present a subtler antagonist. In this first book he seems to be nothing more than a petty dictator wannabe who sews discord by means of propaganda and misinformation. That much is obviously “evil”, but some of the characters (who have known him previously) drop hints that his psychology is more complex and his motives may not be purely malevolent. Likewise, the protagonists are not always obviously “good”; one of them resorts to bribery at one point, and under-the-table criminal activity seems ubiquitous in the part of Tond called Kaii. So how do we recognize evil? This point will be discussed more in depth later in the series.

That’s one of those enduring themes that has so many good iterations of it and new angles to explore. I love that you’re looking at both pure evil and also subtler evil that may not be readily apparent and may not purely be motivated by malevolence. As is often said, the worst type of dictator (or villain) is the one convinced he’s doing it for your good! So, did you consciously choose this theme, or did it sort of reveal itself during the process?

It pretty much revealed itself after I had put together the four “threads” I talked about in Answer #1.

Always nice when that happens and you don’t have to sit there and heavily think about what sort of theme would be best illustrated by the story you want to tell! It definitely makes writing the book easier when it all falls together that way! So let’s look at some fun questions now! What is your favorite moment in the novel, and why?

A lot of it deals with serious themes, but there’s a lighter moment in Chapter Two that I like. Nanta Hornblower is charged with playing the Horn on Horn Hill every morning at sunrise. This is taken to be a very serious occupation in Kaii, and it may involve hardship (Nanta has to live in a chilly, smelly little hut atop the Hill and go several miles to get food and water, for example). When one of her friends asks why she does it, she points out the view from the Hill: misty and sunlit mountains and forests, and twinkling lights that are the sunlight glinting off of glass windows in the towns in the woods. She appreciates the beauty of nature and of art. The inspiration for this scene (which goes back to those very early versions of the “Tond” books) was the horn calls and forest music in Mahler’s Second Symphony. (Here’s a link: begin at 19:25 if you want to hear the actual piece! Gustavo Dudamel / SBSOV Mahler: Symphony No. 2 Mov V (1/2) – YouTube)

And, a comical moment also involving Nanta and music: (this is a paraphrase since the original makes no sense out of context). In the midst of a riot: “Put your hands up and step away from the bagpipe!” (The Tondish bagpipe is a Rube Goldberg contraption quite a bit zanier than the familiar European versions.)

That last one sounds like a really funny moment in the scene! So since you’ve noted a lot of the story deals with serious themes, let’s turn our focus back to that discussion. What is the moment you feel best illustrates the theme and why?

Tazzie spoke up, “You said that Grendul’s motivation is a misplaced desire to do good. Creating madness does not seem to be desire to do good.”
S’Enrik emitted what sounded like a grim laugh. “Ah yes, that’s the trouble, isn’t it? It depends what kind of madness.”
Grendul Rising, Scribner

This fragment of conversation states the theme precisely, though at this point the reader doesn’t know what S’Enrik means. Hopefully the reader will be taken on a journey (along with the characters) to answer his question.

I like it. Sometimes, blunt and open is the way to go, especially if you’re doing it at the earlier point before the journey is fully taken so you can unfold the real meaning behind the statement of the theme as you go! So this definitely doesn’t sound like an easy book to write. What was the greatest challenge you faced while writing this, and why?

Organizing all of the plots and sub-plots. The story is fairly complicated, and it has to tie into what happened in the first “Tond” series but still be understandable to those who haven’t read those books. My solution (I think it worked, but so far no one has commented on it) is to make this a Book of Questions. Though the major plotlines reach a conclusion, it’s definitely part one of a series and there are a lot of hints that will only come to fruition in later books. One character seems to have some kind of powers, but has no memories from earlier in his life. Another is on a quest to answer “seven questions”; by the end of the book he says he’s found the answer to one of them but doesn’t say what the other six are. Two characters have been given missions, but we don’t know what either mission really is, who gave the orders, or why. There are a number of other disconnected comments and incidents; this includes the book’s cover: why the moon-horse? It’s an image from some of the “folklore” I made up, it but doesn’t seem particularly relevant at this point. Of course I, as the author, know the answers to these questions, but answering them to the readers’ satisfaction will continue to challenge me. (Kudos to the illustrator, Cassander Garduna, for a great moon-horse.)

Those more complex stories can definitely be tough to work with, especially with all the things you have to tie together and keep track of! It sounds like you came up with an interesting solution to it, though! So what was the easiest part of writing this story?

The several descriptions of the world of Tond (both of nature and of cultural details). These were easy simply because I enjoy imagining and inventing things, and then writing about them.

That’s always one of the fun things about writing fantasy! There’s no real limit to what you can come up with to make your world unique. Along the same lines of favorites as we had earlier with your favorite scenes, who was your favorite character to write?

I have two. 1.) The aforementioned Nanta Hornblower, because she’s associated with music (another one of my interests), enjoys nature, doesn’t take guff from anyone, and (like me) is a bit nerdy and weird. 2.) S’Enrik; at this point he’s a sort-of Gandalf/Obi-Wan character, but he has a long backstory that touches on Tondish philosophy. I hope to flesh that out in the second book of the series.

Sounds like you’ve got a few fun characters to play with, then. Now, I always like to ask about influences, so can you tell us which books you feel had the greatest impact on your writing and why they did?

For the entirety of the two “Tond” series: Obviously, Tolkien’s “The Lord of the Rings” and Herbert’s “Dune” books. Little needs to be said here; most modern fantasy is indebted to them. A more subtle influence is from James Joyce’s “Ulysses” and Jerry Spinelli’s “Stargirl”. These are very different books (one is a short kids’ book; the other is a sprawling tome that’s not even remotely for kids) but the odd similarities are features that I’ve tried to invoke in “Tond”: both show mythic archetypes appearing in everyday life (though in the case of Tond, that “everyday life” is in a made-up realm) and both immerse the reader in a tiny fictive world that stands for the entire universe. (The “tiny world” does not apply to Tond, though it does stand for wider ideas.) And, I might add (though I don’t know if I’ve been able to imitate this), both are veritable fountains of quotables and gorgeous prose.

For this book in particular: I recently started reading N.K. Jemisin’s “Broken Earth Trilogy”, and her manner of telling the story (separate timelines that come together as the book progresses) helped me solve some problems with the narratives in this new “Tond” book. As I’m planning it now, the first three books of The MadStones Tetralogy will all be told in this manner.

Great influences to have! I haven’t read all of them, but I’ve heard they’re all very good! On the subject of books, let’s end off by talking about some comparisons for readers who might be interested in reading your book. What books would you say Grendul Rising is most like?

Hard to say. It’s along the lines of a lot of fantasy with its invented world, cultures, and languages. Maybe the “Dune” books are closest because of the mix of fantasy and sci-fi (though, unlike the “Dune” books, the fantasy element is the stronger of the two) and the exploration of history, politics, and religion (though again, the takes on these topics are very different from Herbert’s). Mostly, I hope the readers will enjoy this book and make their own comparisons.

I think that’s what we all hope! Well, thank you again for being a guest on the blog, and readers, I hope you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read today from Steven. If you did, be sure to check out his Tond series and Grendul Rising! That’s it for today, everyone. See you next time!

Author’s Interview: Jenna Terese

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Hi all! I’m back with another author’s interview. Please welcome Jenna Terese! I’m delighted to have her on the blog as this interview has been in the works for a while. Thanks to the Iron Walls release and then coming down with two different illnesses in a row, the interview had to be postponed, but we are finally here with Jenna! Thank you for being here, Jenna, and thank you for the patience you had as I worked to find time and the health to do this! Let’s go ahead and dive right in.

To start, I always like to ask authors to tell my audience a bit about themselves, so if you wouldn’t mind, could you tell us a little bit about yourself?

First of all, thank you so much for having me! I am a Christian young adult author passionate about how art affects the world and on a mission to impact people through stories. I’m also a booknerd, Marvel geek, musician, and plant mom.

As I said, I’m glad to have you on, finally! So the next thing I’m sure everyone’s curious about is what kind of genres you write. And as a follow up, why did you choose that style or flavor of writing?

I write mainly science fiction, but I’ve also got a few fantasy ideas in the works. 😉 I used to write only historical fiction, but once I read my first speculative fiction book I was hooked. I love the freedom of creativity I have with sci-fi and fantasy. There are no limits, and that excites me.

That’s wonderful! Perfect fit for this blog, too! We love all things speculative fiction over here, though most of the authors I’ve had on write mainly fantasy. I personally love a good historical fiction novel too, so it’s neat that you started out there! Now, shifting gears from writing to reading, what genres do you read, and do you write the same ones?

I read mainly fantasy and sci-fi. I definitely draw inspiration from what I read for my writing.

I think you’re in good company there! Most of us write what we enjoy and read it too. So besides writing, which most writers know can be either relaxing or extremely stressful depending on the day, what are some of the things you like to do to relax?

Reading, of course. 😉 I also love to play the piano, knit occasionally, and make aesthetic Pinterest boards for my WIPs.

All great things to do! I like spending time on Pinterest too, maybe a little too much. Once you’ve gone down that rabbit hole, there’s no coming back! So, focusing back on your writing, can you tell us about your current work-in-progress?

I published my debut novel Ignite (YA sci-fi/superhero) this year, and I’m currently working on editing the sequel to it, Embers. That’s my main project, but I also have another sci-fi/futuristic racing novel in the works.

Congratulations! A debut novel is a really big deal. It’s great that you have the sequel in the works too. It sounds like you’re making great progress on building up your backlog of books in the new genre. Did you publish your debut traditionally or through self-publishing, and can you tell us a little about the experience? If this is your first experience, what has that been like?

I independently published my debut novel and chose that path over traditional publishing for my future books. This definitely isn’t an easy road. Indie publishing is like managing your own business, and even after I’d done a lot of research, I still didn’t feel prepared for the amount of work a book launch took. But seeing readers’ response to the book release and them sharing how much they loved it makes it all worth it. Sharing my stories with the world can be a bit scary at times, but I love sharing the characters in my head and their journeys with others.

I know what you mean! I love the control self-publishing gives me over the process, but it’s certainly a ton of work. Especially with the first novel when you don’t know what you’re doing entirely. I remember how scary that was and how stressed out I got, but it gets better even if the work load doesn’t improve! So as far as this book and others go, what were your inspirations for writing?

I get inspiration from almost anywhere. Being a visual person, I’m often inspired by things I see. Movies, shows, people, places, art, and more.

I know how that goes! I’m very similar in drawing inspiration from just about anything at all. It’s always fascinating to see what sparks an idea when you’re out and about. Can I ask, who got you into writing when you first started?

I grew up with my mom reading to me and my siblings. I loved how a story could draw you in and make you forget about the real world, take you on an adventure, and leave you craving more. That fascination is what led me to begin crafting my own stories.

That’s awesome! I also grew up with a parent in the home who loved to read to us. There’s not much better than listening to a good story, especially if the person reading does voices. As you began moving from reading to also writing, was there anyone who came alongside you at any point when you were struggling in your writing journey and made a real difference? If so, who and why?

Along with the support of my awesome family and encouraging writer friends, God has really been there through it all. I didn’t always realize it, but looking back now I can see how He’s grown me and how that translates into my writing. Whenever I’m discouraged about my writing, I can remember the truth that He gave me a love of storytelling for a reason and that my stories matter.

That’s definitely a blessing! Not every writer can say that. Speaking of other writers, especially beginners, what advice would you give to aspiring authors and writers just starting on the writing journey?

Similar to my previous answer: your stories matter. Stories have a powerful way of impacting people and you were given a passion for it for a reason. Things won’t always be easy. In fact, maybe most of it won’t. But it matters. So keep at it. And remember, practice doesn’t make perfect. Practice makes better. I believe you can’t achieve perfection in art, so don’t expect it of yourself. But keep practicing and refining your skills, and it will pay off.

That’s definitely good advice! I think we often forget that practice can’t make us perfect and get discouraged when it doesn’t, but it’s encouraging to recognize that it definitely makes us a lot better! Along the same grain, what is one thing you wish someone had told you before you started writing?

Basically, my previous answer. XD Also, I wish I’d known about the comparison trap writers struggle with before I struggled with it myself and stunted my creativity. I also wish I’d known more about making my own unique creative process, experimenting with different ways to craft my stories instead of copying others.

Yeah, those are all good things for beginning authors to know. Especially the last two you mentioned. Comparison traps are one of the biggest pitfalls a writer can fall into! And I think a lot of beginners also need to hear that it’s okay to just experiment and try things many ways without worrying about how everyone else does it! Learn from what others do and use techniques they used successfully while experimenting, but if it isn’t you, that’s okay. Move on and try something new! Now, on to the fun question that every author (really, any avid reader) hates! What’s your favorite book, and who’s your favorite literary character? Why?

It’s so hard to narrow my favorites down to one book! I’ll have to cheat a little and give my favorite series: the Out of Time series by Nadine Brandes. It inspires me as a Christian (and Christian writer). It’s a young adult sci-fi/dystopian full of suspense, emotion, and deep characters that encourage and inspire. Thank you again for interviewing me!

I know it’s not an easy question when there are so many good books to choose from! I’ll take favorite series. Usually authors end up giving me more than one, and I rarely have just one answer to the question myself!

Well, that’s it for today, everyone! Thank you again for being here today, Jenna! This was a lot of fun, and I’m sure my readers will enjoy getting to know you as much as I did. Ladies and gentlemen, if you’re reading today, Jenna’s book Ignite is available here on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, or–if you prefer to get the really nice type of hard copy–hardback. Give it a look, and if you find it interesting, maybe give it a shot! I’m sure Jenna would also love to hear from you if you have read it and enjoyed it! You can also find Jenna on the web here. That’s all for today. Until next time!

Author Spotlight – Emily Fortney

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Hi all! It’s been a while since I posted an author’s spotlight. Today, I have Emily Fortney with me. Emily reached out to me to see if I could do a book review. Sadly, with the chaos of my schedule, I haven’t really been reviewing much in the way of fantasy since most of my reading of late has been squarely centered on my research pursuits and reading for articles I post on Atlas Island. So instead, I’m having her on today for an interview/spotlight. Well, without further ado, let’s jump right in. Enjoy!

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Of course, my name is Emily. I live with my husband in central Pennsylvania, USA. We have a cat named Philippe who was my writing companion from the beginning! Like many authors I’m addicted to coffee and dark chocolate and my favorite color is purple. I always enjoyed stories and storytelling but it wasn’t until after college that I fell in love with writing and finally gave myself the “permission” to write.

What kind of fantasy do you write, and what got you into it?

I write young adult fantasy with a dystopian undertone that I’d put in the “light” fantasy category. (If there is such a thing!) My books certainty have supernatural elements, but it kind of hangs around on the peripheral until you get deeper into the series. But all of my books have some level of magic and yes, there’s a witch at the source of it.

What genres do you read, and do you write the same ones?

I’m a pretty broad reader. My favorite guilty pleasure reading is definitely the genre I write it, young adult fantasy and dystopian stories, but I also enjoy classics like Pride and Prejudice and Dracula. I’m a heavy consumer of true crime and business non-fiction books too.

What are some of the things you like to do to relax?

I like to get out in nature and go for a walk or hike pretty regularly. This keeps the creative juices flowing! I also enjoy a nice brainless sitcom like The Office and if my wallet allows, I’m gonna be honest, I’ll hit up the spa for a massage or pedicure.

Can you tell us about your current work-in-progress?

Yes! I’m the author of the YA fantasy series, The Camilla Crim series, which follows the journey of 17-year-old Camilla as she tries to save her brother from execution. But she learns that the scheme to murder her brother goes higher than she thought and is somehow connected to her absent mother. Camilla is a feisty heroine that ends up re-awakening a rebellion from a decade ago. I just launched the 4^th book in this series at the end of January 2021, so I’m at the very beginning stages of working on the next book in the series. I’ve been brain storming and taking notes of some big things I’d like to see happen in this book.

If you’ve published (self-published or traditionally published), can you tell us a little about the experience?

I have self-published all of my books so far. This was 100% by choice and it’s a choice I made early on. I have actually never sent a query letter or approached an agent and I don’t have any plans to.

Both publishing paths can bring you success, it’s just about a personal choice of which one will be better for you. For me, I grew up in a home that was sustained by a small family business so I always had an entrepreneurial mind so the choice was easy for me. Mostly I would say my experience with self-publishing has been positive and I tend to recommend it to my writer friends. You can get your book to market fast, like super fast, and you have FULL creative control over the product (your book). BUT it comes with a pretty big catch. You have to do EVERYTHING. You’re in charge of booking an editor and a cover designer. You have to advertise your book and find readers, and you have to fund it all yourself. Although self-publishing can be done cheaply, if you’re in it for the long haul, eventually you have to look at your book writing as a business. If that intrigues someone who’s reading this, then I say, go for it!

What were your inspirations for writing?

For as long as I can remember, I had a story in my head. I used to play it out as a kid and think about it while I sat in school. That story eventually became my Camilla Crim series. So, in a way, I would say I was inspired by my own play as a child. But through my teen and college years I really latched on to books like the Harry Potter and Hunger Games series and they helped fully formulate the Camilla stories in my head and drive the need to write them down.

Who got you into writing when you first started?

No one! I didn’t know a single writer or author when I started. It was my own need to write that got me to do it.

Was there anyone who came alongside you at any point when you were struggling in your writing journey and made a real difference? If so, who and why?

I never had a writing mentor or teacher that helped me, but in my early days when I was VERY unsure of myself, my sister, Sarah, would read my chapters and encourage me. I know my writing was terrible back then, but she kept encouraging me to keep going.

What advice would you give to aspiring authors and writers just starting on the writing journey?

Just write. I know that sounds trite, but what makes you a writer is that you write. Spend more time actually writing than you do talking about writing. Write tons of mediocre stuff and focus on improving your craft. I also highly recommend that every writer engage in a critique group, or writing class where you read and comment on each other’s works. It can be brutal and hard to take but your work needs to stand up to critique and it will help you to grow exponentially. I’ve been a part of a writer’s group for 6 years and there are still days that it’s difficult to hear what others have to say but usually after I’ve thought about it, I realize they’re right. And that’s how you grow as a writer.

What is one thing you wish someone had told you before you started writing?

Not to be afraid to write and not to be afraid to write whatever I want. I used to think I had to be highly educated and have tons of experience to be “allowed” to write. That’s simply not true. And the highly educated, experienced writers out there had to start somewhere. I also used to worry about what people would think about my books. Write what’s in your heart. Put it to paper and tune out any haters.

What’s your favorite book, and who’s your favorite literary character? Why?

Oh goodness. Favorite book? That’s tough. I would probably have to say The Hunger Games. It inspired my own character of Camilla Crim and it’s the book I use to compare all others. For favorite literary character I’d have to say Sherlock Holmes. I haven’t met a Sherlock Holmes story I didn’t enjoy and he’s such an insatiable, compelling character I can’t get enough of. I also love almost every rendition of him in other books, movies, and TV show. He’s a timeless classic.

Thank you so much to Ariel for having my on your blog! If anyone reading is interested in trying out my Camilla Crim series, I’m offering a FREE eBook copy of the first book in the series to anyone who signs up for my email newsletter. You can do that here>>> http://eepurl.com/g0x0bH

Thanks again! Emily

Author’s Interview: Michaela Baker

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We’ve got an interview with Michaela Baker today! She’s the author of short story “Maiden of Embers” in our anthology Glimpses of Time and Magic. Thanks for being here, Michaela! Let’s jump into the questions.

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

My name is Michaela, and I’m a pharmacy technician who loves the world of fantasy.

What kind of fantasy do you write, and what got you into it?

I like to write both regular fantasy and historical fantasy.

What genres do you read, and do you write the same ones?

I like to read fiction, dystopian, and fantasy, but I only write in Fantasy. I tried writing dystopian but didn’t get the hang of it.

What are some of the things you like to do to relax?

I like to relax by listening to music, reading books, singing and play with my pup Kenai.

Can you tell us about your current work in progress?

Wow, I have so many I’m not sure which to choose, haha! Well, I will tell you about my most recently finished novel that I am still editing. Dragons of Egypt is about a promising young high school journalist who taken, along with all his school mates, to Egypt by a deranged magician who works as Pharaoh’s right hand. Now, Eldwin must team up with the people of Egypt to run off their imposter of a Pharaoh and find a way to return him along with his school mates.

If you are published, can you tell us about your experience?

Glimpses of Time and Magic is my first published work and I must say the experience has been exhilarating. Parties, running promo’s telling people to buy the book once it’s official.

What were your inspirations for writing?

My inspirations have always been my sister and a few of my favorite authors. We didn’t have the privilege to be raised under the same household, so we kept looking for outlets for us to get into together. Needless to say, we have created several and will keep creating worlds together.

Who got you into writing?

I told my sister about an idea for a story, and she stole and ran off with it. So I began writing to see if I could finish it before her and then we started to compete with other ideas, then we would role play scenes she was having trouble with and then I branched off into my own stories.

Was there anyone who came alongside you at any point when you were struggling in your writing journey and made a real difference? If so, who and why?

My sister Kelli Buffin has been by my side through it all, and I will forever be grateful.

What advice would you give to aspiring authors and writers just starting on the writing journey?

If you love what you do, then do it to the best of your ability. Also, choose a Genre you love. I forget who said it but there is a saying that goes, “Write what you love.” In other words, if you don’t love what you are writing then you won’t give it the time and effort it deserves.

What is one thing you wish someone had told you before you started on the writing journey?

What you write will affect you. You will go on many journeys of your own creation, make friends and then say goodbye to them. Writing is like a family or getting a new pet. Your characters will be there for a lifetime. Make sure they are worth the effort before you start your journey with them. Once you bring them to life you will never want to let them go.

What’s your favorite book, and who’s your favorite literary character? Why?

My favorite book is the Dragon of Starlight series by Bryan Davis and Sword of the Dragon by Scot Appleton. I love the way they describe their world and how Bryan tells one story through two different characters so that you get an idea of the timeline through both eyes. I must admit, I have adopted this style for Dragons of Egypt.

Conclusion

Thanks again for being here, Michaela! I enjoyed doing this, and I hope all of you reading this have learned a bit about this author and had fun with us. Until next time!

Author’s Interview: Alicia Scarborough

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Introduction

Today, I have Alicia Scarborough, author of the short story “Misted Love” in our anthology Glimpses of Time and Magic. She’s going to share a little bit about herself, her work, and writing with us today. Thanks for being here, Ally!

Her story’s cover and the anthology cover are below for your enjoyment.

Without further ado, let’s jump into the interview!

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Uhhh, I guess you could call me a whirlwind of crazy ideas that manifest themselves either as stories or paintings. For you see, I’m an author and artist that must follow the whims of my muse and create the songs that it wishes to sing for those to hear and see.

What kind of fantasy do you write, and what got you into it?

Right now, I’m writing Urban Fantasy. Both Youth (Middle Grade) and Adult. If you’re curious as to which stories is appropriate for a younger readership then pick up the books that have ‘Alicia Scarborough’… the other books that use my initials ‘A.L.’ are for a more mature audience.

As for other genres, I write poems, horror (stories from my nightmares) and some humor. I’m currently working on two more stories. One is about a little girl that likes to turn her playmates into dolls; that story is not due to release until April 2022. The other story is still under wraps, but I can say that it does involve T-Rexes and will be releasing this December 2020.

What got me into writing fantasy? I’ve always loved it. When I was younger I would write stories that mimicked some of the fairytales that I heard as a child and I would add a slight twist or make up what happened after the ‘Happily Ever After’

What genres do you read, and do you write the same ones?

I read mostly Urban Fantasy, but I do branch out into other genres. Especially if I need to research the other genre for writing purposes. Yes, this is my excuse to be able to buy more books. LOL.

What are some of the things you like to do to relax?

I play ARK, read, paint pretty pictures in Photoshop, watch tutorials, watch anime, play with my green cheek conures or groom my beloved Pomeranians’ fur (I have two)

Can you tell us about your current work-in-progress?

Well, I kind of already spilled the beans on the doll one. But yeah if you like Goosebumps then you’re going to love the story “Play with Me” for it’ll give you that chill factor and make you want to turn a cautious eye towards all dolls. Yet, it won’t be released until April 2020.

The t-rex one… I can’t say much except keep your peepers peeled on my FB page for updates or news. You’ll see stuff for that secret story soon enough because it will be released this year.

If you’ve published (self-published or traditionally published), can you tell us a little about the experience?

Planning. It makes the difference between a successful release or a tragic release. I like to know what I’m getting into before I take the plunge. I’m self-published because I want that extra control and the ability to make that key point decision if necessary.

Self-publishing is a ton of work but it’s a trade off if you want to have control on things that matter like your book cover, blurb, price and marketing. From what I’ve heard from my fellow traditionally published authors they have to work within the confines of the publisher.

That’s not for me. I need the freedom to do what needs to be done and without delay.

What were your inspirations for writing?

Dreams. I always have vivid dreams that I sometimes wonder if I’m having a glimpse into another reality and into that person’s life. Because some of those scenes feel so real.

Who got you into writing when you first started?

4^th Grade teacher, Mr. Cox. He always encouraged us to do freewriting just before we started our Language Arts (English) lessons. Sure, at that time we were still dealing with the fundamentals of writing, but it was good practice. Since then I’ve kept up with it even if it was poems or just writing down my thoughts.

Was there anyone who came alongside you at any point when you were struggling in your writing journey and made a real difference? If so, who and why?

No, not really. I would have to say that I have an awesome gang of author friends now as opposed to when I first started self-publishing.

What advice would you give to aspiring authors and writers just starting on the writing journey?

Don’t do it for the money. I’m serious. You’ll get heart broken if you start this journey focused on the thousands of dollars. Writing is tough and it’s going to get tougher before you’ll even get a reward.

Instead, focus on your ‘Why’ – why do you really want to write? What’s the burning reason that will keep you trudging through the dark trenches of despair and push you towards victory?

What is one thing you wish someone had told you before you started writing?

Stop listening to everyone else and do your own thing. Everyone’s journey is different and there is no secret formula to success. It’s a matter of rolling up your sleeves and getting dirt under your nails to get that hard work done. There’s no shortcut. Period.

What’s your favorite book, and who’s your favorite literary character? Why?

Mercy Thompson Series by Patricia Briggs. Mercy Thompson is my favorite character because of the trouble that she gets thrown into and must figure a way out of it. She’s tough, smart and she never gives up. Even when her body is mostly a pile of mush she keeps on fighting because she has people she wants to save. She’s one tough cookie and I like her.

Conclusion

Well, thanks for being here with us today! I’m sure we all learned quite a bit about your work and you as an author, and I enjoyed having you on the blog. Best of luck with your future endeavors. Readers, if you want to find Alicia’s books, you can do that on Amazon. As she mentioned, she uses two different authors’ names depending on which age group the books are appropriate for. You can find her profile on Amazon here.

Author’s Interview with Sara Zagorski

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This week, I had the opportunity to interview Sara Zagorski, one of the authors in our new anthology Glimpses of Time and Magic and author of the short story The Heart of the Coast. I won’t take up any further time from the interview, so let’s dive into the questions and answers.

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Hi, world! I’m Sara, a 15-year-old sophomore from Chicago. I may be young, but I’ve
been writing ever since I knew how to read, and most of my daily life is filled with reading
and writing. On the side, I play softball, play the flute in marching band, and draw. I have
a cat named Sydney, a dog named Molly, and a very tight group of friends who continue
to inspire and support me every day!

What kind of fantasy do you write, and what got you into it?

I tend to write high fantasy set in my ongoing magical universe that exists outside of our earth, though I’ll also dabble in other types of fantasy whenever I get inspired. I can’t remember exactly what got me into this type of fantasy, but I could probably trace it all the way back to second grade when I first started liking Peter Pan. Ever since I first saw that movie, I’ve been obsessed with the idea of other worlds existing outside of our own that have their own laws, history, and magic, and whenever I get inspiration for another one of these worlds, I enjoy creating stories about them.

What genres do you read, and do you write the same ones?

I read almost exclusively fantasy and science fiction, and that translates pretty directly to
my writing. I find real-life really boring and scary sometimes, and writing stories set in
alternate worlds is a really easy way for me to escape stressful situations and envelop
myself in a different universe.

What are some of the things you like to do to relax?

Reading and writing are pretty high on that list, though I also like to put on my music and
take a walk around my neighbourhood if I’m feeling particularly stressed. It also helps to
watch movies or shows that have really good memories associated with them to help
remind me of good times.

Can you tell us about your current work-in-progress?

The Heart of The Coast is the first story I’m getting published, but I never actually
anticipated having the opportunity to put my work out there until I was a lot older. As of
now, I don’t have any other books in the making that I’m looking to publish, but I’m
working on a couple of stories for fun in the meantime. My main project right now is
called Kye Rising. It’s another story set in my alternate universe in which the main
character, Kye, is sent to my fantasy world where he has to adapt and prepare for war
before the antagonist, a dark elf known as the Dark One, takes over the last standing
kingdom that opposes his reign. I haven’t gotten far with this story yet, but I’m loving the
characters so far, so it’s going to be a fun ride!

If you’ve published (self-published or traditionally published), can you tell us a little about the experience?

Like I said before, this is my first time getting published. I don’t have much valuable
insight into the experience, but I think this opportunity is a really good starting point for
getting published in the future. Working with a group of experienced authors has helped
me understand the process a little better, and I have a good idea of what I’ll need to do
to publish my own work on my own!

What were your inspirations for writing?

Most of my inspirations for writing come from books, movies, or shows that I’ve been
obsessed with at some point. As I read and watch things, I usually take notes on the
distinctive traits of my favourite characters, plot points I love the most, and any other
unique characteristics that make me enjoy the books and movies as much as I do. Some
of my biggest inspirations were the Game of Thrones series, works by J. R. R. Tolkien,
and The Untamed.

Who got you into writing when you first started?

I can’t actually remember who first got me into writing. I’ve written books ever since I
learned how to read, and some of my oldest stories date all the way back to
kindergarten. Because I’ve been writing for so long, there’s no one person in particular
who inspired me to start writing, but there have been a lot of authors along the way who
helped give me ideas for stories.

Was there anyone who came alongside you at any point when you were struggling in your writing journey and made a real difference? If so, who and why?

There was actually one person who really helped me with my writing, and her name is
Joanna White. She’s the author who first introduced me to this project, though I’ve
known her for a long time before this. She’s been a really great mentor for my writing
ever since I started doing her Author’s Games back in fifth or sixth grade, and because
of her helpful comments and critiques on my writing, I’ve improved drastically ever since.
Her Author’s Games also gave me an excuse to write new stories every week, and I got
to put my creativity to good use for the period that I competed. I’m genuinely really
thankful for all the help she’s given me over the years!

What advice would you give to aspiring authors and writers just starting on the writing journey?

My best advice is to not force yourself to write if you don’t want to. Waiting until the
perfect inspiration hits you makes your stories that much better and more enjoyable to
write. Also, basing your stories off of things you enjoy in your everyday life can make
your stories really personal, and you can connect really deeply to the characters and the
settings. The best part of writing for me is making that connection to the characters and
finding yourself in your work.

What is one thing you wish someone had told you before you started writing?

I wish someone had told me not to force myself to write if I don’t want to. There were
times where I burned myself out and couldn’t write anything because I’d tried to make
myself write too much, and those periods were always really miserable.

What’s your favorite book, and who’s your favorite literary character? Why?

It’s almost impossible for me to pin down my favourite all-time book, so I’m going to say
that my current favourite is An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir. The book has lots of
incredible character development, and it also includes one of my favourite plot points in
which the villain ends up becoming the hero (or the other way around). As such, my
favourite current literary character would have to be Elias. He’s got really good morals,
he’s an awesome fighter, and he overcomes many challenges that end up building him
up as a person. He’s the perfect example of my favourite type of character.

Sunday Stories: How Big is Your God?

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This one is going to be a little bit longer this week, everyone. Please just bear with me. I promise there’s a point, but to get there, I have to share some background.

~~~

If someone had told me back when I was ten years old that my mom would have a brain aneurysm and that I would never be the same, I probably would’ve stared at them blankly. I wouldn’t have known what an aneurysm was, and I would probably have laughed at the idea that I would go from a care-free, outgoing ten-year-old to an introverted, hurting, and depressed eleven-year-old in the span of just nine months. But that’s exactly what happened.

I was a week shy of my eleventh birthday when it all started. I can’t remember very much from before I was ten. Not sure why since those memories were most certainly far happier than the ones that came in the years to follow. But for whatever reason, my mind lost those childhood memories and lost more of them than most people would at my age. However, I remember the day my mom got sick vividly. I still remember the leather chairs in the lounge and the water fountains off to the side. I remember the gleaming but scratched gym floor we were roller blading on, and I remember what was said to me. I remember lots of things about that one day when everything turned upside down and I was set on the track I’m on today. It was one of those life changing moments, which I would later learn happen when you most need them but least expect them. Although I didn’t see it then or for many, many years later, God was working on me and working out His plans through me. But that perspective comes much, much later down the road.

When my mother had her aneurysm and ended up in the hospital on both her birthday and mine (Which was the week after hers), life went from unclouded to stormy all in one go. I don’t remember feeling much of anything when my father sat us down at the dining room table and explained that our mother needed surgery and that the doctors didn’t know if she’d make it or not. I remember what I was thinking though when he told us we had to grow up and be tiny adults now if everything was going to go smoothly. I was thinking that it was what it was and that I had no more time for being a child. As the oldest out of six, I viewed it as my responsibility to take care of everyone while Mom was out of commission. I even viewed it as my responsibility to take of my mother once she came home on bed rest until the neurosurgeon could operate in November, nearly five months after she had her first brain bleed.

It was a scary time of stepping into shoes I didn’t know how to fill, feeling abandoned and lost, and pushing aside those feelings every day until they became distant noise in the background that I didn’t notice. The fear was there though. At eleven, I understood more than at least the two or three youngest who ranged from six or seven down to two. I knew there was a chance my mom would die. I knew she shouldn’t have survived the first bleed and that, if she had another one, she would die even if the operation would’ve been successful. With one bleed already on her record, the likelihood of another was pretty high. To say I was terrified would be an understatement. But I didn’t have time to stop and think about it during the day because I was busy taking care of things, worrying about my education, and helping with my siblings. At night, at least up until her surgery got closer and we started figuring out where all of us would go while my dad stayed at the hospital with my mom an hour from home, I don’t really remember thinking about it much. I went to bed and went to sleep.

From end of April when she had her bleed to October or November of the same year when she finally had her surgery, I was, to all intents and purposes, a machine. I felt very little or allowed little of what I felt to touch me, and I moved on autopilot. I did what was logical, what needed to be done, and I cared for everyone else around me as best I could. But I didn’t take care of myself and no one knew I needed more than just the basic attention to my education and physical needs because I myself didn’t recognize a need. While I was needed, everything seemed fine. I’m the kind of person who, generally, in a crisis doesn’t shut down but instead thinks in a very logical fashion. I figure out what needs to be done and then do it with little thought to how scared I am or what’s going on emotionally. That’s all left behind until later. And later is when it really hits. Later was when it finally hit here too.

I was twelve by the time my mother was back on her feet. I’d just live through some of the most harrowing months of my life, and I didn’t even register that. I just knew my mom was back on her feet. I suppose I expected everything to go back to normal, and those expectations were cruelly dashed on the rocks of reality. Nothing went back to the normal I’d known, least of all me.

My mother struggled constantly with the fact that the surgery had left her partially blind in her peripheral vision on one side, with the slow return to her ability to speak, remember things, and do things, and with the inability to drive at first. She struggled with the recovery process and her natural inclination to think she was stupid was only compounded by her newfound lack of ability to do even some of the most basic things, like remembering her own children’s names. I often caught her crying when she thought we weren’t looking or couldn’t see her, and I always seemed to show up at all the awkward times when she stole off to take a moment to break down.

And I was breaking down too. She just didn’t know. Maybe if we’d both admitted it, we could’ve helped the other. We understood how the other felt more than we knew at the time. Instead, as my siblings returned to the normal they’d known before and went back to the happy, care-free kids they’d been, I became more and more depressed and retaliatory. I lashed out at them because they got mad when I wasn’t the same, and I lashed out at my mother because she wanted me to go back to someone I didn’t even know anymore.

The twelve-year-old girl she saw should’ve been the same ten-year-old girl she’d left behind in her mind. But she’d missed an entire year of my life, and I couldn’t forgive her for it. I knew logically that she didn’t choose to leave me alone without the one person I always talked to when I was struggling with emotions. But now that the crisis was over, every negative emotion I’d been feeling and shoved aside all that time came to the forefront in one enormous wave, knocking me down and drowning me in the pain. I couldn’t cope, and so I fought with everyone. I built walls. I shielded myself from any more pain, or I thought I did. Instead, I just refused to be vulnerable, and so, as a result, no one could help me.

The years following her surgery and recovery were some of the worst in my life. I spiraled out of control. Living in a Christian home and being a believer myself, I could never justify certain methods of dealing with the problem such as suicide. I was firmly convinced my life was God’s, and as such, no matter how miserable He allowed it to get, I wasn’t going to take what wasn’t mine to take.

But even as I cried out to Him begging for it to end, I became angry and bitter. I no longer trusted anyone. Not myself, not God, not my family or friends. But with everything spiraling so far out of control, from my perspective anyway, I needed to feel like things were somewhat controlled. No one stepped forward to comfort me and tell me it would be all right. No one took control for me like I so desperately wanted, though I would probably have said at the time that I didn’t want that at all due to the lack of trust in people. So, I took control. I found ways to cope. I wrote, I asked God a lot of questions I didn’t really expect answers for, and I turned to my own head for some sort of comfort.

By the time I was sixteen, no one who knew me when I was ten probably would’ve recognized me. I didn’t care about anyone or anything because my pain was so great that I was blinded to everything. You’re probably wondering now how anything could possibly get better when things were so sad. Well, fortunately for me and everyone else putting up with me at that point, God didn’t leave me there.

I hit rock bottom at fifteen or sixteen. By then, I was becoming or was already addicted to reading pornographic content in the form of romance novels (I really can’t remember exactly where I was at by then). I didn’t have the mental capacity or presence of mind to skip content that wasn’t appropriate, and I got sucked right in. It offered an escape, and at the time, it let me live for a bit in someone else’s skin without all my baggage and with someone who seemed to care. But in the end, it left me worse off because, afterwards, I knew I shouldn’t have been reading stuff like that and my guilt added to the depression.

I think things might have kept going like that if not for God. But isn’t that how it usually goes? I shared the things above so you can understand just where I was because if you don’t understand that, then you might have a pale view of just how powerful God is. I was a mess in every since of the word. Suicidal but not able to take that last step because of my beliefs, disconnected from everyone, and tormented in spirit and soul. I didn’t deserve God’s grace, and if I had been honest with myself, a large part of me felt betrayed if not a little angry because He hadn’t taken away the suffering when I’d asked. I had a wrong view of God and a wrong view of myself in so many ways, and I had to hit rock bottom before I was ready to admit that I couldn’t go on as I was, that I couldn’t take control or do it on my own because when I tried, I failed every time. I wasn’t ready to hand the reins over to God, but I wanted someone to bring some clarity and some control to a time in my life that was severely lacking in both of those and in the self-discipline necessary to pull me out of the mess I’d created.

That’s when God finally stepped in. It started when my parents pulled us out of the home-school group at the YMCA so that we could do riding lessons as a family on a horse rescue farm where we could work for lessons. At that point, I had no friends. I’d made one friend per year we’d been there (two for the first two years), and when the third year rolled around, the only two friends I’d made had moved on. I had no one, and I didn’t really care what we did. My best friend had moved away roughly two or three years before when I was thirteen or fourteen, and I had nothing left I really cared about. Horseback riding was, however, something I’d always been interested in, so I had something to be excited about for the first time in years.

Turns out that horseback riding was one of the pivotal pieces in His plan to bring me to where I am now. While I was there, I didn’t initially connect well. I liked riding, but it was mostly just something to do. I didn’t ride with anyone who wasn’t family, and besides my instructor and her kids, who were younger than me, I rarely interacted with anyone else. I acted like it didn’t bother me, but being away from my usual routine where I was used to the pain of being lonely actually made the loneliness more acute.

Then, on one of the days where I was working in the barn cleaning stalls with my instructor and helping to groom horses while everyone else gardened in the co-op garden she ran, I happened to spot a red-gold mustang in one of the stalls. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I was immediately drawn to the high-spirited horse, and my riding instructor shared the horse’s story with me. He’d been rescued from a paddock where he’d been left loose with one other mare, who had died while he was out there. The owners severely neglected him, so when he first came to my instructor’s farm, he was starved and could barely walk due to overgrown hooves. Immediately, I connected. Silly, I know. He was just a horse. He couldn’t understand, and he couldn’t talk to me like I talked to him. But I didn’t care. This horse had trust issues just like I did, and this horse was lonely like I was.

No one else would ride him besides the teacher because he was so uncooperative and stubborn. I didn’t care. I wanted to ride him, and I pushed to get to a level where I could. For the first time in years, I made a strong, real connection and I cared about something besides myself or the difficulties I was facing. I practically lived for the one day a week when I got to see that horse. And when we moved just half a year to a year after we’d started there, I was broken-hearted. I didn’t have anything left there that I cared about except that horse, and I spent a lot of nights crying myself to sleep because I missed working with him, grooming him, and just spending time with him.

But that connection, as much as losing it hurt, brought something in me back to life. And God began to slowly work on me as He brought new friends into my life and taught me more and more about how to live life again and how to do it while trusting Him. Now, I’m at a point where I don’t struggle with depression all the time. I still do, but not as often. My addiction is under control even though it too remains a struggle because of my sinful decisions in handling my depression as a child and a teen. And I now have a friend that has remained my closest friend for almost three years now, something I never thought I’d have again after my childhood best friend moved. I still struggle to trust people, and things I’ve been through since have made that even harder in a lot of ways. But you know what? God’s constantly using new things to teach me to trust Him, even if I don’t have the ability to trust others or even myself. He’s mended my relationship with both my parents as well and has helped me to mend relationships with my siblings, even if not all of them are great all the time.

If you’d told me back when I was ten that I’d live through all of that and come out of the darkness into the light on the other side, I would’ve laughed. My God back then was not big enough to do all that. My God now? Let’s just say He looks a lot more like the God of the Bible who could take on anything and win.

Sunday Stories

Featured Ariel Paiement

This is a new section on the blog that I wanted to start. Sometimes, I think the blog focuses a lot on the aspects of writing and editing or on what I’m working on, but there’s not a lot of personal stuff to it. Obviously, there’s a fine line between sharing and over-sharing, but I personally really like it when I see stories and personal notes from the authors of blogs I follow or books I like to read. It makes it feel like I know them just a bit better and have a more personal investment in their work. It also makes it easier to recommend them, at least for me, because I can tell friends or parents I talk to that the author’s philosophies, outlook on life, and personality are also commendable.

So, I’m going to start sharing things I’ve learned through life’s experiences so far and things that I’m learning now. For those who aren’t Christians, I’m not going to discourage you from reading, but you should know that this part of the blog will be much more obvious in its Christian roots because I am a Christian, and the lessons I have learned are ones learned through hardships God took me through to teach me things I wouldn’t have learned otherwise. If that’s something that’s offensive and bothersome, just skip over these posts when you see them and keep reading what you already do. I won’t be offended by it. But if you do decide to join me, then welcome, and thank you for doing so!

Today’s Sunday Story comes from a lesson I learned about loneliness in my first semester of college at Pensacola Christian College in Florida.

~~~

They say your college years are the best years of your life. Mine have been both the best and worst years so far. I know, a strange statement to make, but a true one for reasons that will, I think, become apparent as I share more of the things I learned during my college years.

I won’t deny that I have an overall negative opinion of my alma mater itself. At this point in my life, I still haven’t fully sorted through all of the emotions, positive or negative, that I went through while there. I’m a bit of a slow learner when it comes to emotional things, and my final year and a half at PCC was filled with many negative emotions, some directed at the school and some toward myself. But that’s a story for another Sunday and isn’t really the point of this post. My only reason for mentioning it is to be up front about the fact that I most definitely have a bias against the institution but that, because God richly blessed me with friends from the student body who could facilitate growth even when the school failed to do so, my view can’t be entirely negative of my time spent there, at the very least.

My first semester was mostly bleak, especially in the beginning. I had no friends, and those I tried to make would agree to plans enthusiastically only to leave me alone when the time for our plans rolled around. This meant many meals spent eating alone, but it also created a fair share of problems since the school had a “no-going-off-campus-alone” rule at the beginning of my time there.

The rule itself wasn’t bad since our area was more than a little dangerous and had gangs who operated near the school and targeted our female students. The school tried to make it easy to find people to go with for the weekends since they ran buses that went to Walmart, the mall, and one other local shopping destination. Unfortunately, the rule regarding going off alone also applied to the weekend shopping trips and the bus, which I initially didn’t even realize. (The rules regarding bus use were more than a little vague in that area.)

Furthermore, I could only go with girls, so my pool of people to choose from was relatively limited. I tended to have very little luck connecting with girls my age despite repeated attempts. This was by no means the school’s fault, but it did make things difficult for me. As a result, when people cancelled plans every time we had them (and that semester, there wasn’t a single weekend that the people I made plans with didn’t cancel on me last minute), I was forced to either cancel plans to avoid breaking the rules or go alone even if it broke rules.

For most students, this wasn’t an issue. They could either not go that week or had no problem finding friends to go whether it was last minute or not. In my case, I couldn’t choose not to go because I had to buy food I could actually eat regularly without making myself sick and needed to buy my own toiletries. One of my roommates had a car, but neither of them liked me or was keen on lending me anything if I wasn’t able to get to the store, so I relied heavily on making time on a weekend to go. So, I spent much of that semester discouraged and struggling because I couldn’t manage to find anyone to go anywhere with me or do anything, even on campus.

It took me a long while to give up on it. I admit that I gave up in despair and for all the wrong reasons, but once I gave up, God finally got through to me, and I began to learn one of the first lessons the people there taught me, though I’m sure it wasn’t their intention to teach me this lesson. Loneliness, as uncomfortable as it is, is not the end of the world and is often a tool God uses to draw us to Himself. In this case, it did just that.

Later on, I did make friends, and some of them are ones I’m still in touch with, my best friend included. I made them at the very end of that first semester, but not until I learned to do two things. First, to accept the hollowness a lack of human companionship left in me. Second, to bring it to and give it over to God so that He could fill it with a thankfulness for the One who never leaves and for the person of God Himself.

I still struggle in this area sometimes, but this lesson had to be learned and has stuck with me. It is one of the few things the school itself ended up having a big part in teaching me, on a spiritual level at least, because in some ways, their rules made my lack of friendship more apparent every time I had no choice but to go on the bus alone to get things that couldn’t hold off for an uncertain “I’d love to go with you next week” from those I thought were friends.

I had many nerve-wracking, guilt-ridden trips to Walmart then with plenty of time to consider the fact that, unless I wanted to go without toilet paper or food I could eat safely for another week or more, I had to break the rules. I spent those rides terrified I’d get in trouble for being on my own, ashamed because I knew I was breaking rules, angry because I wanted to follow the rules (even if I hadn’t known about some of them until I got on campus) but couldn’t because others didn’t follow through week after week, and lonely because everyone else had a group while I was alone. Not a “good” experience, certainly. By the end of that semester, I had come to dread Walmart trips and hate the health issues that made trips necessary every other week, even if I had to break rules to go. But the acute emotional distress did force me to choose how to respond and to find a solution.

So, I eventually chose to stop looking for friends. A strange decision, I know, but it was the only one that seemed remotely reasonable at that point. I told God that, as sad as I felt about the prospect of being friendless for three years in a place I was already beginning to feel alone and out-of-place in, I was going to accept it if He didn’t choose to give me any friends.

After all, I’d already chosen to obey His leading in coming to a school that I never would have attended on my own because of the rules they did make clear, and that hadn’t even covered the ones that were tacked on or made themselves manifest after I first arrived that weren’t even in the student handbook or the differing applications of the student leaders in charge of enforcing them. But I was living with all of it, even if I wasn’t thrilled about it, and I was doing it because I strongly believed it was where I belonged even if I never fit in with more than a handful of people there.

So, if I could do that, then I could surely survive three years with no friends if it was what God called me to. To me, at that point, I was mostly just resigned and a little relieved I could stop putting all my efforts into developing friendships that never went anywhere. There was, at that time, no excitement about trusting God with the situation, but only a hopeless prayer of unhappy resignation to the loneliness if that was what had to be for His plans to be worked out in my life. (Had I known back then what I would find by doing this, I might have had more enthusiasm and less of a depressed, if I have to attitude, but hindsight is 20-20, as they say.)

Over the next month, bus rides got easier. Oh, the guilt and frustration over the fact that I had to break rules to get what I needed was still there. I couldn’t get around that without just eating foods that made me sick until I could buy non-perishables and whatever I could store out of the fridge for a week or so until I could shop again. But those trips never allowed me to buy enough to tide me over until the next trip, and I didn’t have a way to extend shelf-life on the fresh foods or fruits I needed to eat more of. I made it through, though, and I dealt with the consequences of my choice with a good attitude. I knew I was breaking policies, and while I felt bad about doing it, I knew I was still responsible for it if I got caught. I accepted that risk and the guilt that was a consequence of breaking rules I felt should be followed.

Some would have told me at the time (and later a few guy friends did tell me this) that I should have kept the rules even if it meant suffering health-wise because it was wrong to break a rule you knew about. That’s one of those things I still don’t know how to feel about.

I’m not a rule breaker, and breaking rules is something I hate doing. But there were many times where I didn’t know how rules should be interpreted or what they applied to because every resident assistant did things differently. I often felt guilty for breaking rules, even if I didn’t know about them beforehand because they weren’t in the version of the Pathway I’d been given prior to updates. I learned to accept and expect the guilt. As I said, my head got tangled up and confused on the issue, and in the end, whether it was right or wrong, I chose to do what was best for my health so I could focus on classes, even if it meant breaking a rule.

When it came to the bus situation, however guilty I may have felt, the loneliness itself eased up as a week or so passed in this state of isolation and prayer. I wasn’t angry at people for ditching me because I expected them not to show and leave me in a bind, and I didn’t care if we were able to hang out or not, so I wasn’t disappointed when it didn’t happen. Maybe that’s pessimistic of me, but I felt no real antipathy toward anyone for it. I just saw things for what they were and didn’t expect things to change.

Eventually, though, things did change. I didn’t expect them to, and I didn’t notice right away that, while no one else around me was changing, I was changing. It took time, but I grew to find walking, eating, studying, and living life with just me and God to be a joy instead of a burden. My problems weren’t solved, and I had a lot of growing ahead, but I was at peace about the journey ahead and the steps behind.

In the end, the lesson I learned from the struggle wasn’t an easy one, and I didn’t like the experience that had to happen for me to learn it. I wouldn’t tell you the experience was positive because that would be a categorical lie. But what I could tell you is this. The experience was painful and what was going on was negative, yes. But the results and the growth that came out of the experience were positive. Those were good and necessary.

It’s easy for me to forget, often, that even if what happened to me was undoubtedly negative, the results were not if I grew and came closer to God because of my suffering. The suffering and other people’s lack of integrity or good decisions (in this case, their poor planning and lack of following through) wasn’t good. Should those things have happened? No, probably not like they did. But if they hadn’t, I wouldn’t have learned to embrace loneliness instead of fighting it, and I would be a lesser person today. The experience was bad, but the outgrowth from my response to it and what God did through it was something way more positive than I ever could’ve dreamed.