Work-In-Progress Wednesday #35

This week’s work-in-progress is a small bit from a short dystopian romance story I started. Enjoy!

~~~

Something snapped in the distance, and she lifted a finger to her lips. The sweep was happening. They’d have to be absolutely still and silent if they didn’t want to be caught. Luckily, her companion stayed quiet and didn’t move. A light flashed overhead, and the crackle of the energy field washed over her skin. When neither of them moved, the beam continued on its way in moments, and she sagged back against the wall in relief.

“What was that?”

“The reason they don’t need guards for the exterior of this building. As for your other question, that’s something I’d rather answer well away from this place. If my father catches me here again, he’s likely to sell me off to the whore houses directly or to enslave me to one of his own masters.” She grabbed the stranger’s wrist and ignored the strange wash of warmth that cascaded through her at the contact.

He didn’t protest, and she dragged him out of the bushes, darting toward the fence. “Hurry. There’s not much time before the next sweep. They always come in pairs.”

The man picked up the pace. To the left, she could hear the hum and snap that foretold the approach of the field. She bolted for the hole just behind her new acquaintance, and together they scrambled underneath it. On the other side, they lay on the ground side-by-side, and Eltara stared up at the stars while she regained her breath.

“Alright, explain. What’s with the weird beam, why was it so easy to get past the fence, and why would your own father ever sell you into slavery?”

Well, he just had to ask all the hard questions, didn’t he? “The beam of light is an invention they created about ten years ago to eliminate the need for guards outside this complex. Too inefficient to patrol, I guess. It will send out an alarm signal to my father, the head of the Mors Animi, and to all the guards inside the building, if it finds any trace of human movement. The program is designed to ignore the usual animals that lurk about the building at night. If either of us had moved or made a noise while the wave passed over us, we would’ve been caught.”

“Good thing I stayed quiet then.” He groaned. “You’re lucky I didn’t ask another question. I wanted to.”

“Yes, well, good thing you didn’t. We’d probably both end up dead or hooked up to the machine in there, our minds being drained into whatever abysmal reality my father chooses to torment us.”

~~~

I hope you guys enjoyed this! What are you guys reading or writing these days? I’m always happy to hear about it, and I’m currently open to new book suggestions, particularly if they’re ones you guys might like to see reviewed on The Fantasy Nook. (To be considered for review, the books do need to be some genre of fantasy, and they can’t be erotica. I have a few younger readers and would like to avoid creating an unsafe or inappropriate environment for them, so I don’t review that sort of stuff.)

If you want to share, you can do so in the comments or, for book suggestions, feel free to shoot me an email if that’s more your cup of tea! Until next week, happy writing and reading, everyone!

Saturday Setups – Factors to Consider

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Introduction

Last time, we talked about languages and developing them, but this week, we’re going to briefly go over some factors to consider. Building languages is complex, so it’s important to break it down and go part by part. How far you go with it obviously depends, as we said last time, on what you want and need out of this exercise. Some people may just decide they need a few common sounds and aren’t concerned about an entire working vocabulary. Others will choose to go all out. Regardless, there are some factors you should consider when building the language.

Readability

First off, you should consider readability. Your reader is going to be seeing names and, in many cases, at least some words from the language you’re building. If you create a name like Aldafhjfd or some other such strange combination, people will have trouble processing it. Granted, even in real life, we’ve got names or words that we don’t know exactly how to pronounce, especially if we’re looking at a language like Gaelic or Welsh and don’t know the pronunciation rules. We’re likely to get it wrong. But we can still process it. We can still assign some method of pronunciation to the word, even if it might be wrong.

As writers, we expect that when we create our names or use unusual names from other cultures in real life, we’re going to have some subset of readers who may get close but a much larger subset that won’t get even close. So, our goal isn’t to worry about whether or not they can pronounce it properly.

Chances are that most of you wouldn’t know how to pronounce the name Leorithdhil, but you could probably come up with something that made sense to you, and you’d be content with it for the duration of the novel if need be. It doesn’t matter to me that you can’t pronounce it right. It does matter to me that you don’t trip up on the name or the word every time you see it. If you’re stopping to try to wrap your head around the sound of a word or name whenever you come across it, I’ve failed because those couple of seconds (or minutes, if you’re like me and try out every possible pronunciation method trying to figure it out) are seconds you can choose to stop reading because you’re no longer involved in the story.

That’s bad!

I don’t want you all to stop reading, and you don’t want your readers to do so either. So, before you do anything else, readability and ease of access for the readers should be at the top of your list of concerns.

SImplifying to Keep Your Sanity

Guys, let’s just be honest here. Building a language is hard. If you’re trying to build it from grammar rules up, it may make you want to tear your hair out, no matter how happy you are with the end result. I should know because I’ve done this. I still have stuff I’m tweaking with the language I’ve been building, but much of the grammatical side is already in place because I love grammar, syntax rules, and language in general. (If you couldn’t tell…) In spite of my love for those things, there were times when I sat and stared at the page in despair because I couldn’t figure out how to handle a problem that had arisen with the rules I’d created or with the way something fit together.

No matter what, you’ll have those moments if you do any extensive language building, just as you will with extensive world-building in general. However, you don’t have to dissolve yourself into a mushy mess that can’t think or function. Simplification is allowed. You’re not trying to create a language people in real life would be able to use for every situation. Even Tolkien didn’t do that, though he did give his fans a highly-developed, impressively functional language with more vocabulary than most language constructions have. Despite that, he still didn’t give them the amount of vocabulary necessary for every day conversation.

So, don’t feel you have to either. Create what you need first, then worry about adding to it as you feel like it, not worrying about or stressing out over it. Once you’ve developed what you need, the rest is icing on the cake. It isn’t necessary and shouldn’t be something that makes you want to bang your head into a brick wall repeatedly.

Simplification comes in quite a few forms. You could choose to remove letters from the alphabet, as we discussed last time, you could borrow grammar rules from other languages in real life, you could borrow sounds from languages around you, or you could even decide to limit yourself to creating words only as you need them. Whatever form of simplification you choose, do implement some simplification method(s). It will keep you sane!

How Much is too much

The last area of consideration I’ll cover is more of a question than anything. How much is too much? You need to figure this out before you start building, particularly if you’re going to use the simplification method of building only what you need. Knowing how much is going to be too much for your novel is really important. It keeps you from overloading your story and your reader with the overabundance of building you’ve done in this area.

Every story is going to be different in its requirements and what you can and cannot get away with. Every audience will have different expectations of you as an author and of the area of language building in particular. Know what those requirements, restrictions, and expectations are. If you don’t know them, you’re highly likely to disappoint your readers with too much or, in some cases, too little.

Once you know what your story and its audience require, limit yourself. Don’t go to the extreme of too much. Include what you know will be tolerable and enjoyable for your readers.

If you want to build beyond that, then collect it somewhere for your reference and for the reference of enthusiastic fans if you have them. There may be some fans who really want to learn more about this world you’ve built and the languages in it, but don’t write the book for those fans because they won’t be the majority. If you pander to them, you’re going to drive away your main audience: readers who just want a good story in your genre. Instead, make the further resources on the world and its culture, languages, and more available to those super-fans who really want to dig into it, but make it available outside the story. A glossary and further resources for readers section on your website is one good way to do this.

Conclusion

In the end, when language building, you have a lot of technicalities to consider. But those technicalities need to be framed properly with an understanding of your audience and their needs. Go with what your audience needs to access and enjoy your story. Leave the rest in notebooks for your own personal enjoyment or reference.

Flash Fiction Fridays – First Meetings

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This week’s flash fiction is about Leo’s parents and their first meeting. If you’ve ever wondered how his mother ended up stuck in such an awful situation, this answers that. Enjoy!

~~~

She held her head as high as she could and looked him in the eye. Pale violet blended out into a deeper shade of indigo, and she stared just as much as he stared at her. A shiver went down her spine. No warmth lingered in his gaze. He was cold. Even colder than the slave traders who had brought her here.

The way station’s travelers bustled outside the large three room house where they were kept. None of them had any idea what went on in here. None of them knew that she would probably leave this building with one of the men here today. But she held her head high anyway and forced back the tears. No help was coming. No one on the outside could do anything even if they knew, and she couldn’t pull them into this mess. The men here were all powerful in their own rights, and none of them would think twice about killing anyone who intervened. She’d seen it happen.

The violet-eyed man stalked to her position in the line, his gaze never leaving hers. A challenge flared to life there, as if he were daring her to run from him, daring her to find out that she wasn’t so strong after all. She tensed and fought the urge to lower her gaze and to hide from him. He stopped right in front of her and reached out to grip her chin between his fingers. She flinched, and a cruel smile curved his lips. He could’ve been carved from marble for all he cared about how he made her feel. He was even worse than the men leaving with their new slaves. They might afford their slaves some dignity. This man? He would break anyone he chose, and she was the unlucky soul he’d chosen. He might not have bought her yet, but he would. She knew the look in his eye. Saw it all the time, in fact.

“What’s your name, girl?” His low voice washed over her in warm baritones.

His voice didn’t belong with a man so hard. She lowered her gaze, unable to stand staring into those cold, hard eyes.

His grip tightened. “Do not make me ask again. I will take you into one of the back rooms and beat it out of you.”

She bit back a cry at the sudden pain in her jaw. “It’s Anne, Master.”

“It’s Caladhor. From now on, you will address me by sir or by my name.”

She licked her lips. How was she to know which to use when?

“Is that understood?”

“How do I know which to use?” She glanced up at him.

“It depends on my mood. If I look like I might want to kill you, sir might be most appropriate. If I’m pleased with you, my name will do. You’ll figure it out. And if you don’t pick up quick…” He released her with a sharp smile. “Well, never mind that. I think you’ll figure it out quickly enough.”

She swallowed hard. “Yes, sir.”

“You’re figuring it out already.” His grin widened. “Though I don’t want to kill you just yet.”

Anne didn’t say anything. If he was hoping for a response, she wasn’t going to give him that satisfaction. She would do what she had to in order to live, but she wasn’t going to let him break her. She wouldn’t lose her spirit no matter what he did to her. He walked off to talk to the slave traders, and she watched the gold change hands. Inside, she was numb now. When Caladhor returned and grabbed her by the arm, she let him drag her out of the house without a word. Like it or not, a new life awaited, and this man would be the one who decided her fate. She would make sure she found a way to have a good one.

~~~

That’s it for this week, everybody! I hope you all enjoyed. If you have something specific you want me to write for this section of the blog, feel free to shoot me an email or leave a comment! I’m always happy to see new ideas and new writing prompts, particularly if they’re ones that would be more interesting to you all!

Thursday Technicalities – Sorting It Out: Constructive or Destructive?

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Introduction

We talked about how to find critiquers and beta-readers as well as about how to figure out what kind you need, but let’s talk about one last important thing regarding this area before we move on to a new discussion. You have to know how to sort out the constructive feedback you get from the destructive feedback. So let’s dive in and talk about each.

Constructive Criticism

We’ll start with constructive feedback or criticism. This is, obviously, the kind you want, but sometimes it can be hard to tell whether something is constructive or not. Not everyone who offers destructive feedback is a troll or someone who just hates you and your book. Many times, they’re very well-intentioned and think they’re helping. So, how do you know the difference in those cases?

First, constructive feedback is going to be relevant. It will be commentary on areas that don’t fit the needs of your audience, things that are just outright incorrect (usually grammatically), or areas that aren’t clear. This by no means an exhaustive list, but typically, constructive criticism is going to focus more on what is wrong than specific ways to fix it. The ways of fixing it come as you have a discussion with the individual offering the feedback. While that individual may offer some ideas for how you might go about fixing something, they may not always know, so more questions are typically necessary to figure out what the best solution for the problem will be.

Please note that we’re talking about people doing more of a high-level review of your book. They themselves may not be writers, and they very rarely are editors. You want your critique partner or beta-reader to be someone from your audience, not someone looking at your book for how to make it read like a best-seller. An editor, if you have chosen well, will know enough about writing and, ideally, your genre to know whether or not something will work to make your fiction marketable, not just a bunch of text you put together in a semi-useful way. The editor does a different job from a critique partner or beta-reader, so you won’t handle that interaction exactly the same way.

Second, constructive feedback will be specific. What do I mean by that? Well, you’re trying to make sure everything in your book is clear, engaging, and focused. A reader will notice points in the book where this isn’t the case, and if you’re getting good feedback from a beta-reader or critiquer, they will too, and they will make note of it. They will not offer you a general, vague opinion of the book. That’s something a general reader might do, but it’s not much use to you if you need to fix anything.

Finally, constructive feedback will be an honest assessment. And by honest, I mean frank about the good and the bad. Constructive feedback has to recognize both what you’re doing well and what you’re not so that you can keep the good and fix the bad. If all it points out is the good stuff or only the bad, you’re imbalanced in your perspective. Only good things will result in an inflated view of how good the book really is. But overwhelming commentary on all of the bad undermines your confidence, causes you to write poorly, and results in you–most often–changing even those things that weren’t bad to start. The person offering the feedback will, of course, have their own biases, but you want to find someone who will offer their opinion in addition to clear feedback on things that are obviously working well or working poorly. You don’t want them to try to change the entire point of the story, but you do want them to help you see what you may not.

Destructive Feedback

In most ways, destructive feedback is the opposite of constructive feedback. So we’ll just briefly go over what signs to watch for with destructive feedback. Destructive feedback will often be feedback that tries to change the heart of the story. It isn’t correcting a problem that actually is real. Instead, it’s just feedback on everything the reader personally didn’t like about the book and an essay on what they would write if they were you. That’s clearly not helpful, and if you follow that kind of advice, your book will change with every reader. You’ll end up destroying anything that was good about the book to start.

Destructive feedback is also feedback that’s irrelevant, too general, or unbalanced. Any of these can derail a book and the entire story you were trying to tell. Allowing someone who predominantly offers this kind of feedback to influence your decision-making process is extremely unwise.

A Word of Caution

Please know that many people give a mix of the two kinds of feedback. Unless they really just hated the story, they’re probably going to have some feedback that is helpful and constructive with some feedback that is destructive mixed in there as well. It’s just how this sort of thing tends to work because everyone has different ideas of what makes a good book. Not everything you have will be their preference, even if it might not be a problem. That’s why getting a few different people to critique or beta-read is extremely useful for writers.

In the end, unless someone is only giving you destructive feedback, don’t toss them out as a possible option simply because you see some destructive feedback in the mix. Be fair and be realistic. If you were reviewing something for someone, you’d have a mix of feedback too. And if you were the one doing it, you wouldn’t think twice. A mix of feedback would be acceptable. So, afford your critiquers and beta-readers the same leniency you’d give yourself here. Just make sure that, when you look at the feedback, you sort through to see what you should keep and what you should toss.

Conclusion

That’s it for today’s Thursday Technicalities. I hope this has been helpful for you all! This also concludes the section on critiquers and beta-readers. On upcoming Thursday Technicalities, we’ll be discussing editors and the principles surrounding the editing process. I hope to see you all join me for those posts as I know this is an area that many authors are unsure about, particularly when it comes to self-published authors. Until then, have a great week!

Work-In-Progress #34

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This week’s work-in-progress is from Pathway of the Moon. It’s almost finished with just four chapters to go, and I’m beginning the setup for the sequel. This piece is part of my most recent chapter.

~~~

He caught a rustle of movement in the bushes, and a small, furry creature hopped out of the bushes. It stared at him with bright red eyes before scampering back under cover. He stared after it. Nothing back home had fur that white. He dropped to a knee and peered under the bushes. Whatever it had been it was gone. He pressed a palm into the feathery grass beneath him and paused. How was it this green? How was any of this so vibrant?

Something tickled inside his head. He frowned. How could the inside of his head tickle? The fluttering sensation danced on the fringes of his consciousness, and he shook his head, trying to clear it. Still, it didn’t dissipate. He glanced around him. Was some magic at work here? There. Some faint whisper of sound echoed on the fringes of his awareness, and it sounded like words. He strained to hear whatever was in the background. Was someone else here watching him? His head ached and pulsed, and then the whisper clarified to a normal tone. People were talking, and they sounded close. How could that be? And how was it they spoke his dialect of Wyrdhan? He sprang to his feet and slipped into the brush and woodland to wait behind a tree for them to come out from their hiding place. Whoever was here, they didn’t seem interested in coming out with him around. He fixed his attention on the clearing and listened.

The Path opened, a female voice chimed past the general buzz assailing him.

I know. I felt him. This time, a man answered. He opened it.

The female hummed in response. Yes. The Cursed will be happy, I’m sure.

They already sent an emissary through when the Path first opened.

Has it made contact?

Not with him. The man huffed. But with those who will bring him, yes.

That’s a good thing, Laur. Why does it bother you?

So, the man was Laur. But why were they talking about him, and how did they know who he was? Perhaps they just thought he was someone he wasn’t. That had to be it.

You know why, Nim. Don’t pretend you can’t see it.

I see feelings and intent, Laur. Not private thoughts. The woman, Nim, sounded annoyed now.

Leo crossed his arms and tipped his head back against the tree trunk. Why hadn’t they shown up yet? Unless… Unless he wasn’t truly hearing them. He’d heard of people who could hear thoughts. But that made no sense. These two were holding a conversation, so he wasn’t hearing thoughts. It just wasn’t possible. But how could he be hearing them if they weren’t here? He frowned and edged out of the woods, calling on his shadows. More voices joined the chatter, but none of them spoke to Nim or Laur. He ran a hand through his hair. This world clearly had more going on than they’d thought, and it seemed like his was connected somehow. Maybe?

He listened for Nim or Laur. For a minute, he couldn’t find them. Then their voices returned, louder this time. Did that mean they were closer now? He waited for any noise to indicate someone’s approach. Nothing. So, he waited and listened.

We should check the portal. Nim this time with her melodic voice.

You think he’s still around? Let me guess, you want a glimpse of the fabled Son of Shadows. Is that it, Nim?

Leo swallowed hard. They were talking about him. How? How could they know who he was and what he was? It shouldn’t be possible.

Don’t mock me, Laur. You know how long we’ve waited. Just because you’re not happy doesn’t mean I can’t be.

Yes, yes, I know. We’ve waited ever since she brought the First to us. But it was never our vendetta. We shouldn’t have to fight. His presence will stir up the Cursed and get us all killed. If we leave it be, the Cursed–“

Will eventually tear us apart, Nim interrupted. We need him. He’s the only way, and the Aura wants him here.

A branch crackled.

Leo melted into the woods and shadows.

Two people emerged from the opposite side of the clearing. One was clearly female. Nim, perhaps? Eyes almost too large for her face perched above a pert nose. Those eyes turned on him and changed from yellow to a brilliant emerald hue of green. Her silver hair swayed as she stepped closer, and Leo stared. Despite a releatively human appearance, she had something distinctly inhuman about her. Maybe in the way she moved?

He is still here.

He stiffened. Where had the voice come from? The woman’s lips hadn’t moved at all. With bated breath, he waited. Until they left, he couldn’t go home, and he didn’t want to be found either. Then, he would have to fight. He certainly wouldn’t let them take him away from this place. Not when it was his only way home.

Laur peered in the direction Nim was starting, his eyes an electric blue that pierced into Leo. I don’t see him. And I don’t feel him anymore.

He is here, Nim insisted. But he will fight if we engage him.

Just let him be, Nim. Maybe he won’t return.

He will. He reeks of curiosity. And when he does, I will greet him with the hospitality he deserves. She turned away and walked past Laur, brushing shoulders with him. You will too, so you’d better start practicing.

Laur’s nose wrinkled, and his eyes flashed a flat gray before returning to blue. Nothing more came from him, and Leo watched until the alien turned and walked away. Then he slumped to the ground beside his tree. What had that been?

~~~

That’s it for this week! What are you guys working on or reading these days? Feel free to share in the comments!

Saturday Setups: Language Building – An Introduction

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Introduction

In a post on language factors, we already went over some basics about languages and building them for specific areas as well as basics on how to do it in general. In this post and upcoming ones, we’re taking a look at this more closely. This is a process that is entirely optional, and people do varying degrees of it. Some go all out while others opt out entirely. Neither is wrong. A language you’ve created isn’t necessary to lend credibility to your work in most cases, but it can be very helpful. The goal of this section is to equip you with tools you’ll need to build languages if you choose to do so. I can’t cover everything, but I’ll try to cover what you need to get started. We’ll begin with an introduction to building languages and why you might decide to do so.

Why Create a Language?

First and foremost, creating a language should be done for fun. It isn’t required, even for high or epic fantasies, to make a good story. In fact, it’s easy to end up taking away from the story with this type of world building if you’re not careful. Because of this, the predominant reason to create a language is because you want to for the sake of experimenting, having fun with it, and being able to say you’ve created your very own language. If playing with sounds, coming up with new writing systems, and dabbling in creating grammar or structure rules sounds fun to you, then this area of world-building is for you. If you already know you’ll hate it, move on. It isn’t worth driving yourself nuts. For those on the fence, I encourage you to give it a try. You never know; you may love it. At the very least, you can say you tried it.

Besides fun, another reason to build a language of your own is because you want a naming system (or just the names) for people, places, and things that sound suitably unique but also have some sense of cohesiveness and weight behind them. This could mean you just want names that sound like they could come from the same regional location or it could mean you want names that go as far as having root words from a language that gives the names an actual meaning, much like our names on Earth have meanings behind them. Those two different sides of the spectrum obviously require differing levels of involvement from you in terms of language building, but they’re both valid needs.

Finally, language is so entwined with culture that many times your culture ends up changing with the language. If you’re writing something heavily invested in culture, language–spoken and written–plays a big part in it. You may only choose to add in some exotic names and maybe some insults or curse words to lend to the illusion of depth you create, or you may choose to go all out and create the language that you need to include songs in that language, like Tolkien does with Elvish in Lord of the Rings. How far you go depends on your interest in it and on what your readers are expecting. You can go overboard with this, so it’s important to always have balance. Don’t overwhelm readers with a lot of text in fantasy languages you’ve created. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have some terms or names that are pulled from the language creation work you did.

Where to Start

If you’re feeling like this is complicated at this point (or have felt so since you saw the topic of this post), I’m not going to lie to you. It is complicated. But it isn’t impossible, and there are ways you can make life easier on yourself. Let’s just look at the starting point I’ve used for this in the past since a starting point helps to make things seem a little less chaotic.

Usually, I start with the alphabet. I take the time to think about all the sounds available to me in my language and alphabet (English in my case), and I weed through those root sounds. I may take out a vowel or a consonant here and there to lessen the number of letters I have to deal with. I have also, in the past, chosen to incorporate the diphthongs (vowel combinations like ae) found in Latin or other languages. When you’re adding sounds to your alphabet or syllabary that your native tongue doesn’t have, you can look at the sounds of other languages. This is a tremendous help, and it can give a lot more depth to your language, especially if you’re doing this for the first time. Even Tolkien, a well-accomplished linguist in his own right, borrowed from other languages to create the dialects of Elvish.

Starting with your alphabet or syllabary gives you the building blocks for words. It makes it easier to determine what sounds can and can’t be involved, and you’re making a call on what the language will sound like at the very basic level. If it’s going to be soft and lilting, it’ll be because of the sounds you kept, added, or threw out in this stage. If it will be harsh and guttural, it’ll be because of what you kept, threw out, or added at this point. Everything in a language pivots upon two things: its grammar and its vocalization/sounds. Grammar is more complex, so start with what’s simple and build up from there.

Conclusion

Hopefully you have a better understanding now of why you might want to create a language and the uses it can serve in your novel. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath. This isn’t as bad as it seems, and I hope to show you that it can be a ton of fun for creative minds in future posts. You can set up the language in whatever way you choose. Look at the languages we have here on Earth. There’s tons of variation there, right? Well, for your fictional languages, you can use systems just as varied, and you also have the freedom to mash together concepts, sounds, and techniques from other languages around you in real life. If you let go of the stress of thinking everything has to be perfect and just start with your sounds and the premise that this is meant to be a lot of fun for you, you’re going to be fine. You can take it as fast or slow as you need to, and you can choose how much you feel like doing. No author is required to build a complete language, nor are they required to do any language building at all. It really is entirely up to you, so have fun with it and don’t stress! Just like all other areas of world building, this is your chance to do things your way and to have fun while doing it. Take advantage of it!

Flash Fiction Fridays: Dead Men Do Tell Tales

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This week’s is pretty short. It’s based on a writing prompt I saw on Facebook that looked interesting. Hopefully you all enjoy even though it’s short!

~~~

He never should’ve taken the job. Or at least, not without asking a lot of questions first. His target lay bleeding out on the floor, her spirit long-gone and her knowledge his. He wished it weren’t. Swords for hire didn’t have much loyalty or honor, but gods curse it, he had some standards, and this violated them.

He didn’t kill children or innocents.

He didn’t stand for selling out those who hired you.

Until today, those rules had governed his jobs. The woman–General Eilesi Araden–had been staging a coup, one of the largest in her country’s history, to take down her country’s corrupt oligarchy. His client had been her second-in-command, and his client had also lied about her. She hadn’t been guilty of anything except wanting the best for her country and her people.

He stepped away from the cooling body and fought down the bile rising in his throat. Now that she was dead, he would be a target if anyone knew he had her knowledge. Did his client know about his unique abilities? He didn’t generally broadcast it, so he could be safe. But even if he was safe on that front, would they risk the loose end he posed? He doubted it. Which meant he was going to have to run. The hunter had just become the hunted.

~~~

And that’s it. Like I said, it’s short. Do you guys have something you’d like to see on Flash Fiction Fridays? If so, feel free to email me about it or leave a comment below!

Thursday Technicalities – Interacting with Your Critiquer

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Introduction

So, we already discussed interacting with your beta-reader, but as you know, beta-readers are different than critiquers. So, while some principles will be the same, not all of them will be. Let’s take a look.

Do’s and Don’ts of Interacting with your Critiquer

1. Do not argue with your critiquer.

This goes for beta-readers too, but a critique partner ought to be someone with more knowledge of your area of writing and of writing in general. While they can make mistakes or poor judgment calls, chances are much higher that they know what they’re talking about. If you’re defensive or arrogant, no one—not even a less experienced critique partner—will be happy working with you. So no arguing.

2. Do ask questions and discuss areas you aren’t clear on.

If your critiquer has said something to you that doesn’t make sense or that you’d like further pointers on, you should ask. Unless they tell you they aren’t open to further questions (which is unusual for a critiquer), you can ask about whatever you need to. Just keep rule one in mind and avoid shutting them down.

3. Do discuss.

Along the same lines as rule two, you should discuss things with your critiquer if you don’t agree or if they seem to be missing something important to the story. Explain where you’re coming from and ask their opinion. After you have that, ask any clarifying questions you have and thank them for the input. Then you can decide if you want to take the advice or leave it.

4. Do not behave in an inconsiderate or arrogant manner after you get the feedback from them.

This should not have to be stated, but it unfortunately does because there are people out there who do forget this and need to be reminded. Your critiquer is human too. I’ve seen many writers treat critiquers poorly and harshly or put them down as people because the writer didn’t get the feedback they wanted. These kinds of people are a misery to work with. Literally, I can promise you that if you’re like this, you are going to be the person we hate working with most because not only is it likely your work is poor quality because you ignored advice from three people before us, but you’re not going to fix it after we review it, and you’re going to be rude to us in addition. Kindness will get you much further.

Hopefully, no one reading this is like that. But I recognize that these people are out there, so if you are one of those people, please know that you are shooting yourself in the foot first and foremost. We’re not going to be happy with you, obviously, and some of us may get upset over how you treated us, but in the end, you are the one to suffer because arrogance or defensiveness mixed with rude behavior will make your journey from writer to author much harder if not impossible. I hope that no one reading this is in that position, but, this needs to be pointed out because too many times people don’t stop to be grateful that the critiquer took time to go through their work.

If you didn’t get a glowing review, be doubly grateful! They took time to pin point the book’s problem areas instead of reading a polished book off a bookstore shelf. Critiquing badly written work is way tougher than doing so for a well-written work. Show your appreciation and be mindful of their feelings too.

If you aren’t, I guarantee they’ll spread the word to anyone else they know who might consider working with you. And the Internet makes that very easy. I’ve heard stories myself from fellow Wattpaders and writer friends, and I have some of my own. Rude behavior lost one writer a chance at joining a critique group because people in the group had worked with the writer and shared their awful experience. This individual was refused on the grounds that their behavior ruined the previous critique group they’d been involved in. Please don’t let that story be yours too!

Conclusion

This isn’t an extremely long post because the main point is that you should be polite and professional in every case. If you aren’t, you only damage your own image and give another writer cause to say bad things about you. Being polite and courteous goes a long way toward avoiding ruffled feathers or smoothing them over if they occur. In the end, it’s your book, and you can do what you choose to do with it. The best way to handle dealing with a critique, good or otherwise, is to take whatever you can from your critiquer’s input to make your book better, but don’t feel obligated to use the rest. Throw it out and move on.

Work-In-Progress Wednesdays #34

Featured Ariel Paiement

This is a sneak peek at a short story I’m working on for a short story collection that I hope to publish in 2021. I know, a while out, but I like to get a head start so I can make sure everything is finished on schedule. Anyway, this one is about Enlil, a storm god in an alternate universe who has kidnapped a princess who is supposed to be his Chosen, the one to keep him steady and complete him. Things are…not working out as planned. (But really, when do they ever, right?)

~~~

ENLIL watched Nunael from across the table. She wouldn’t lift her gaze from her food, and they had already passed most of the meal dancing around any real conversation. In fact, she had spent most of her words on avoiding any conversation with him at all. He hadn’t envisioned things going like this. His Chosen was supposed to obey and to adore him, and he was to love and to protect her. Had the ring chosen wrong this time? In his long lifetime, it never had. Still, this mulish, raven-haired slip of a woman wasn’t anything like the others the ring had chosen in the previous millenium. He tightened his grip on his cutlery. He’d been happy with all of the previous Chosen. What was the ring doing? Changing up a working system was madness. He frowned down at the ring, and the ruby set into the intricate metal band stared back, winking in the light. He looked up at the girl again.

She picked at her food with a groan. “Why do you insist on staring at me?”

His scowl deepened. “Why do you insist on giving me a headache?”

She snorted. “I’m not a telepath, so I can’t possibly give you a headache.”

“You most certainly can. There are ways to do it without using any magic, and you certainly have managed it in the short time since you came here.”

“Since you kidnapped me, you mean.” She returned to picking at her food, and candlelight flickered over her high cheekbones.

“You came willingly.”

“I came because I had to.”

“You still chose to come. And is it really that miserable here? Have I hurt you in any way?”

“Not yet.”

His grip on the silverware turned vise-like, and shocks flickered over his forearms. He forced himself to take a deep breath and to calm down. “I’m not going to. Do you know what a Chosen is?”

“An individual sacrifices to a god to act as a consort and a tie between mortal and immortal.” She pushed her plate away. “How is this relevant?”

“You are my vessel’s chosen.”

She sat back and slumped down in her chair with a huff of breath. Disbelief, judging by the expression on her elfen features. “Your vessel’s chosen?”

“The Chosen are picked by the ancestors of the deity.”

She frowned at that but didn’t ask the question that was obvious on her face.

He answered anyway. “We’re not really immortal. But it takes someone or something as strong as we are to kill us.”

“And if you aren’t killed?”

“We live for a long time.”

She stared out at the torch-lit courtyard below their window. “How old are you, then?”

“Old enough. You?”

“Eighteen.” She still didn’t look at him.

He watched her, curiosity warring with irritation. This was the least intractable she’d been so far. But even now, she looked for an escape from his presence. “You know you’re stuck here, right? Stuck in this palace with me…”

Her golden eyes finally shifted to him. Still, she didn’t answer, and stubbornness glinted in that shadowed gaze.

He stood and stalked over to her, pulling her to her feet. “You can’t go. Ever.”

Her gaze lowered, shut him out and blocked his words. “So you have said.”

What would it take for her to get it? He yanked her into his arms and caged her in his embrace. “I mean it. Until you and I are Bound and become one, this place will not let you leave.”

She tore from his grip with a mournful, angered cry. “You lie!”

“I don’t.” He crossed his arms. “Test it if you like. But you’ll only prove me right, Princess. Save us both the trouble and accept your fate.”

“Never.” She spun on her heel and fled out the door, her dress fluttering around her ankles.

He watched her go before shoving his hands into his pockets and following behind her. She rushed down the hall to the grand staircase. There, she paused and looked back. Her gaze caught on him, and she froze for a moment. Then she took off again, all but tumbling down the stairs in her haste. He didn’t rush. Why do that when he didn’t need to? She’d see soon enough.

They ended up in the gardens on the border of the castle’s wall. She stepped out of the gate in the wall, and Enlil waited by the burbling fountain. Moments later, she reappeared beside him, stumbling a bit. A confused whimper escaped her, and he steadied her. She tore her arm from his grip and sank to the grass surrounding his fountain. Her tiny frame trembled. “Go away! You won, so just leave me alone.”

He chewed on his inner cheek and crouched down beside her. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

He didn’t know. He just felt terrible about the pain she was in, and he wanted to alleviate it. He reached out to take her hand then pulled back. She wouldn’t welcome his touch. Not right now.

She kept her face turned away from him. “This is your fault. You’re not really sorry for anything. You just feel guilty.”

He wanted to be angry with her, but she was right. He didn’t know what he was sorry for, and he did feel guilty. It was, in some ways, his fault. But not entirely. He stood and glared down at the ring on his ring finger. The ring had chosen her, not him. The ring had decided this headstrong, unsubmissive, and angry woman would be the best match for him. He tore the infernal thing off his finger and threw it into the grass. “If I had my way, I never would have brought you here at all. You’re not what I need, and you’re not what I was hoping for.”

She laughed bitterly. “Then go away! Leave me be. I don’t want you either, so I guess that makes us even. At least we can agree on that.”

He shook his head with a sneer and stalked off. Cursed ring and its wretched judgment. Next time, he’d rather be damned for eternity in the fiery pits of Aratroth’s furnace than let the ring pick another ill-matched, ill-mannered wench. He’d choose his own woman next time, and his ancestors could just suck it up and deal with it. He could make his own decisions.

~~~

Well, that’s it for now, everyone! Hope you guys enjoyed. What are you working on? If you’d like, you can share it in the comments below! I’d love to hear from everyone.

Flash Fiction Fridays – The Shade of Whitsmare

Featured Ariel Paiement

Okay, so this one is a one-off that doesn’t go with any particular story or world. I got the idea from a prompt on one of the writing groups I’m with on Facebook, and I figured I’d share it. This one’s in first person. I rarely write in first person since I generally prefer third and feel I am strongest in that, but this one is the exception. It’s also shorter than the others have been, but hopefully you guys enjoy it anyway.

~~~

I couldn’t watch this happen to him. He was the light to my dark, and if I lost him, I would lose myself. I’m not even sure exactly what happened in that moment, but at the moment that I heard the report come crackling over the cop car radio that the Shade of Whitsmare was trying to hold off Kyrelon, something inside me snapped. It didn’t matter that he was supposed to be the hero–my hero. I just had to know he was safe. I closed my eyes and did the one thing I had vowed never to do with my power. I shade walked in the mind of my hero. I had promised I wouldn’t ever take over, even if I could wrest control from his conscious mind in order to be in control.

The moment he gave in and let me take over, my heart broke. He stepped back and gave me control, the very thing I’d always craved over him, and now I didn’t want it. I stared up at Kyrelon through his eyes and lifted his hands. He might not be able to beat Kyrelon, but if I channeled my power through him, I could defeat the villain. And I would. Even if it meant I would likely die engaging Kyrelon’s mind, I would do it. After all, a villain is only as powerful as the hero she must battle, and I was no exception. I was as strong as I was because of Shade, and if he was gone, I would be nothing. Life would be meaningless anyway, and he deserved to live.

So I whispered my last farewell into his mind, willing him to live on even if he hated himself for letting this happen. And when I had done that, I cast my mind around Kyrelon, weaving a dream from which neither he nor I would escape. My mental projection thrummed with power, and I felt my mind leaving my body entirely. Then it slipped loose of the tether Shade’s body provided, and I was lost in my dream world, dragging Kyrelon with me.

Loving and saving him were the only things I never regretted no matter how lost I got in that world I’d made and no matter how many times Kyrelon and I battled or died there. They were the only good things I ever did in my life. The only truly selfless things I chose to do of my own volition. I’m glad I did. Even a villain has something they cannot bear to lose. I found that thing. The Shade of Whitsmare.

~~~

There you have it! Hopefully you all liked it. It’s in a different sub-genre of fantasy than I usually use, and if you’ve followed my posts on Allen Steadham’s Mindfire or Superhero Fantasy, you know I’m not usually a fan of the genre. But hey, I think it went okay all things considered!

Have something you’d like to see on Flash Fiction Fridays? Feel free to share the idea with me via email or in the comments, whichever you’re more comfortable with. I don’t bite, I promise! I’m always happy to interact with you guys and any of my readers.